What is Love
by smileysoul
Summary: As a cop, Zoro knew better than to be friends with the outlaws, much less falling for one of them. The first rule was bound to be broken since before he had obtained his badge, and it's not like he'd had much of a choice, but he trusted himself enough not to break the second one; his life was already complicated, and it's not like he was stupid. Then he met Sanji.
1. Prologue

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 **Prologue**

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He only parked the car by the roadside when he realized he had been about to crash into a lamp post.

His hands, his precious and always confident hands, were violently shaking against his will.

He needed a fucking cigarette.

At some point, after staring at them aimlessly for long insufferable and confusing minutes, he came to terms with the fact that he needed his hands to move in order to get the cancer stick and the lighter out of his pocket, an action they didn't seem to be engaging any time soon, seeing how they were still clinging to the wheel for dear life, still shaking.

His brain went through the inner process of registering the situation, coming up with an appropriate action course, sending the order to his uncooperative hands and forcing them to move. He finally managed to fish a cigarette, followed by his treasured lighter; golden and carved with sophisticated patterns his fingers had gotten used to thoughtlessly tracing.

The one Zoro had given him.

A strangled primal sound escaped his lips despite trying to restrain it, only earning a lump in his throat. He blinked his dry lost eyes and lit the cigarette. Or tried to. He couldn't get a flame out of the damn yet precious lighter. His fingers were failing him. He tried again. Once. Twice. Three times. He gave up at the tenth attempt and just rested his head against the driver's seat, looking ahead at nothing in particular, feeling painfully empty.

How had it ended up like this?

It wasn't supposed to be like this, not in his head. They were supposed to be chilling _together_ at home. Sanji would have cooked an incredible breakfast for _both_ of them, then _they_ would have made love, then gone to sleep, keeping _each other_ warm. Or more like Zoro scalding him to death, since the damn moss-head was like a living heater.

They were supposed to be planning the upcoming weekend _together_. The bastard had _promised_ they'd spend that weekend together, away from everything except from each other. He had fucking _promised_. Turns out the bastard was a shameless liar. How dared he?! How dared he leave him alone?! Hadn't he fucking made a promise?! Damn liar. So much for keeping his word.

Why had this happened?

Sanji's thoughts were broken when he registered a sob. It hit him that it was his own voice emitting the terrifying sound. Tears were streaming down his face without control, his body painfully convulsing to keep himself from crying. So much for trying.

He'd never felt this weak, he'd never felt this hurt, he'd never felt this empty, he'd never felt like dying before. Maybe crashing against the lamp post wouldn't have been such a bad idea after all. At least it would have eased the torture he was going through. Alone.

But most of all, he felt _lost_. What a cruel irony, Zoro would have laughed at him. The thought only fueled his despair, tears and agonizing whimpers, unable to restrain them anymore. Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_! He'd never felt this utterly lost and lonely in his entire life.

It wasn't meant to be like this.

It shouldn't have been like this.

It _couldn't_ be like this.

But it was. And he was broken beyond repair, he knew it already.

The cigarette fell from his lips as he muttered Zoro's name over and over, his voice hoarse and desperate, his chest and stomach and throat aching more and more by the moment. He felt so helpless and small. So hurt. So _weak_. So lonely. And again, _so lost_.

Fuck.

He screamed against his hands, barely muffling the raw noise ripping its way out of his throat.

 _Why?_

How had it ended up like this?

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 **A/N:** Hello there! Okay, some of you might have already read this since it was uploaded before I erased this particular story (it used to be called The Unwanted), let me clarify: I think it was about a year and a half ago that I started this story, but I completely lost the plot and ended up discarding it, so I erased it from my page!

Since I've been pretty stressed out and have barely had time to properly write decent content for Come Back, I went back to re-reading old stuff in order to get inspired and I decided to recycle this story. If you had read this before, the first few chapters might sound familiar since I have used most of them, but I am editing stuff and the main plot will be different from what it used to be. I am only using some old material that I thought could be useful in order to build a new story line.

For now I'll be rereading and editing the chapters I had already written and I'm going to keep updating it whenever I get them checked or write something new, which might be soon or spaced in time, but I thought it would be good to bring it back while still working on Come Back, since I often struggle with my main story and it does me good to work on something else in order to clear my head when I'm stuck.

So, fear not, Come Back is still the main story where I'll be putting most of my writting efforts, but I'm happy to be able to change a bit every now and then by coming back to this one! I hope you enjoy this as well, please let me know what you think!

Have a great end of the week!


	2. Chapter 1 - The Present

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 **Chapter 1**

 **The Present**

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Sanji sighed into his cigarette and let a cloud of smoke playfully run out of his mouth and disappear into the dusk swallowing the city. He took a few moments to scan the city lights climbing up in the blackness of the sky as if someone had painted it with colourful droplets, giving off a certain sense of liveliness that had him entranced for a while.

He finished his cigarette and went back inside his apartment to put some dress trousers on and secure them with a belt. His hair was almost dry now, so he styled it the way he always had, giving a reassuring and confident look at his reflection. After watching himself smiling back and liking what he saw, he rushed to get a burgundy tight shirt and a matching tie he tied with the kind of expertise that only comes out of years of studied experience. He took another checking look at himself, grabbed his blazer and stuffed his pockets with his apartment keys, his phone, his cigarettes and lighter, and his wallet, finally locating the car's keys and leaving home to get into his car and starting the engine with a satisfying roar.

The snazzy car was engulfed by the evening dense traffic, bathed by neon lights and streaks of dark shadows as it went by. Five minutes later his phone was ringing and Sanji activated the loud-speakers.

"Sanji Blackleg," he answered to the air, gaze fixed on the road.

A familiar bubbly voice invaded the car. "Sanji! Hi, it's Luffy! We've got a bit of a problem here!"

Sanji blinked in a moment of confusion and slight worry shot through his veins. 'A bit of a problem' in Luffy's vocabulary could potentially mean all degrees of 'problem' known to your average man, going from him being hungry to him being about to be murdered. How Luffy could unblinkingly fit those two extremes into his own conception of 'a bit of a problem' was something Sanji was still trying to figure out. He really hoped it wasn't the last one.

"What's wrong?" he asked, trying to decipher which degree of a problem he was potentially going to be dealing with.

He hadn't yet finished formulating the question when he heard a few painful noises that could only be Luffy's face being beaten up and punched for good measure; they were familiar enough to recognize. Sanji rolled his eyes for good measure, but had the patience of waiting as he drove along the road. He knew who was going to answer him before her voice made its way through the loud-speakers.

"Hello, Sanji. It's Nami here."

Thank God. She sounded pissed as hell but not the bad kind of serious he had feared for a moment. He really wasn't in the mood for shit; today was Robin's night, so he'd rather have a peaceful one. Nami's tone calmed him down and he felt a smile tugging at his lips.

"Hi, love," he affectionately answered. "What happened? Need some help? If he has done anything particularly stupid I can help you beat him up, no biggie."

Sanji heard a faint outraged ' _hey!_ ' on the other side of the speaker, far enough for him to know Luffy was probably struggling against Nami's palm pressed to his face in an attempt to keep him from snatching the phone away.

"Would you mind picking us up at our appartment, please?" she asked, trying to be polite but sounding annoyed as ever. "This idiot here managed to break the car _somehow_ and we can't make it in time if we take public transport, not with how packed it is at this hour."

"Of course it's not a problem, darling! Tell that dumbass to stay still before he breaks anything else, I'll be coming right up," he answered with a gentle tone but frowning when he saw the time it was in the car's clock, the red digits glaring back at him in a silent challenge. They'd be late for sure. "Mmmh... I think I can get there in about... less than ten minutes? You said you're at home?"

"Yes, thank you Sanji! Sorry for bothering you, we didn't want to make you late as well, but..."

"Nah, you're never a bother, Nami," he reassured her with fond, but his brain was making frenetic mental acrobatics to think of the fastest route to the Museum all the while, colourfully cursing in the privacy of his mind. "See you in a moment."

He then hung up and concentrated on driving since speeding the pace required more attention put on the road in order to be able to sort out obstacles faster. He took a look at the speedometer and saw he was still under the maximum speed level. Good.

His phone went off again and he answered almost instantly, wondering if Nami needed anything else.

"Sanji Blackleg" was his trademark answer.

"Hi, little eggplant."

Sanji rolled his eyes at the annoying voice and at the _fucking annoying_ nickname.

"The fuck do you want now, old man?" he demanded with a tone that screamed _hurry the fuck up, I don't have time for your bullshit_.

"Are you going to that event with Robin?" Zeff asked, exchanging the fake-ass cheerful tone he had used to greet him for his usual grumpy demeanour. Still, Sanji had to admit that he had actually asked quite nicely in comparison to how their normal exchanges usually went, especially taking into account Sanji's less than friendly greeting.

"I'm on my way there. Why?"

"Well, since I'm selflessly, out of the kindness of my generous loving heart, covering your shift tonight so that you can go, and consequently I can't – you're welcome by the way –, I thought you'd gladly come by and get a present I got for Robin and give it to her for me. Am I right or am I right, eggplant?"

"Dismissed. I'm already running late, old fart. Should've called earlier. Sorry, not really sorry."

"Wait, what is it I'm hearing? _Oh_ , is it the sound of your shift already starting while you have no one who's covering for your sorry ass? Oh my, is it the sound of your night off burning down to ashes and your month's salary dropping to half because you're inexcusably late tonight? Yeah, _thought so_. Sorry, not really sorry."

"You shitty old fart!" Sanji cursed with a snarl nobody could see, fire raging through his veins and anger getting the best of him.

"Get your ass back here, you damn brat! If you don't come get her present about right now I'm going to fire you, is that clear enough?!" Zeff yelled through the speakers, authoritative and annoying and grumpy and _insufferable_ as always.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," Sanji muttered, chewing each word with a mental promise of physical pain. "It'd better be a worthy present, you shitty old man!" And then he hung up, only to punch another number in his poor abused phone while profusely cursing out loud, barely avoiding contact with a slower driver's car when he made to pass him and earning an indignant insult in the process.

One beep. Two beeps. Three beeps.

"Hello?"

"Nami, dear, it's Sanji. I'll be there in fifteen minutes, maybe a bit more."

"Something wrong?" she asked with a hint of worry in her voice.

"Nah, just my old man going all senile on me, that's all. I'm sorry for that, I'll try to hurry," he reassured her while making a damn good job at hiding how pissed off he was because poor Nami wasn't at fault and he'd never speak like that to a lady, may heaven and hell forbid him!

"Okay, just don't kill yourself on the way. _Drive safe_."

Sanji drove like a kamikaze through the city's streets to get to a destination he had inked his brain with for life. When he saw the Baratie's entrance lights welcoming its guests, he parked the car with a screech, if that could be called parking at all, and stormed into the building without a care in the world about manners, greetings or even locking the car for that matter. The last thought registered in his brain as he was opening the elegant doors and passed a shocked familiar waiter who waved at him and never got a glance back, but he decided that if some fucker actually _dared_ steal his car while he wasn't there, he'd have his foot introduced to the bastard's face as a side dish to leaving the man unable to ever reach the biological possibility of being a father. Yeah, that would make it. So no worries. His car would be safe. It'd better be.

He kind of kept his cool as he passed the dinner guests, ordering himself not to make a scene right there. There were ladies who could feel offended, after all. Once in the kitchen, it was another world.

" _Zeff!_ " he roared over the whistling and clanking sounds of cooking and cooks shouting orders at each other.

"Damn, Sanji, don't be so fucking loud!" yelled an equally if not louder man who totally looked like a delinquent recently freed from jail.

"Shut your ugly mug, Patty," Sanji ordered with a snap. "Where's the old man? I'm running fucking late!"

"Your problem, not mine. At least you are going to have fun," a grumpy voice stated behind him. Sanji turned with a glare and found himself taken aback by a wrapped package tossed at him. "Her present. Now you can go. Didn't take that long, did it?."

Sanji looked from the present to the big blond old man that was now distractedly playing with his ridiculously braided moustache as he stared down at him with a glint of amusement.

"What's this?" he asked, feeling suddenly suspicious. Zeff wouldn't have normally made him come get Robin a present knowing he was running late. Damn, the old man would have _never_ given Robin a present, it's not like he cared! So it could only be...

"A present," Zeff enlightened him. "As a congratulation for her success with this Egyptian exhibition or whatever she's inaugurating tonight."

Sanji frowned at him and invaded his personal space, lowering his voice so that only his adoptive father could hear him.

"What's in there?" he insisted.

"Thought you were in a rush," Zeff mocked matter-of-factly.

Sanji felt himself getting angry again, but his brain helpfully reminded him that engaging into a fight with the old man would only make him waste precious time, not to mention he'd need to change his clothes, which would probably get ruined. So, instead, he settled for grabbing the front of Zeff's apron and dragging him into his office without the older man opposing, slamming the door behind them with a loud thump.

"Well?"

"Names and locations. Interesting information we've been able to gather over the past few days," Zeff gave in with a solidly calm voice.

"Well, it must be some urgent and important shit if we're going out of our usual way to hand it over to her for it to reach her. What's with the rush? You know it'll be a public place full of important people who wouldn't be exactly fond of what we do if they happened to find out, don't you?" Sanji countered with a scowl. Not that he minded doing this kind of shit, he had been doing that for ages and he was totally cool with it, but as much as he truly didn't give a fuck about risking his life for the cause and despite being quite reckless himself, he knew there were parameters and rules to follow if they didn't want their asses handed to the cops in the blink of an eye.

"Isn't it your job to keep these important people from finding anything out, though?" Zeff objected in an all-too-mighty way. Clearly letting him know it was Sanji's problem. Not his. "And yes, it's important and rather urgent, so you better give it to her in one piece tonight without fucking up."

"Yeah, yeah. Delivery boy at your fucking service," Sanji scoffed. "Can I get anything else done for your royal ass?"

"Yeah, get the fuck outta here and go do your job."

"It was my night off, may I remind you. You know, for having fun and disconnecting and relaxing and all this uncomplicated stuff. Ever heard of people having a personal life? _Free time_?" Sanji bit back as he slowly turned to the door.

"Whatever. Once you've given it to her, burden's hers and you can stop worrying and have your fun, kid, no one's stopping you."

"Of course, 'cause tonight was definitely the best possible time to burden Robin with this shit!"

"She's in _this shit_ deeper than both of us and the whole Baratie together, so don't worry too much about her being picky, I bet she already bathes and sleeps in it."

"You're fucking gross."

"And you said you were late. I don't see you trying to solve your own punctuality problem, boy."

"Want me to beat you to a pulp, old fart?" Sanji growled as he walked through the kitchen with Zeff following suit, not giving a damn about the weird looks the other chefs sent their way. "I would already be there if you hadn't been an asshole about it and called me when I already was on my way there! 'Cause you didn't have a whole fucking morning and afternoon to do it instead of rushing it at the last goddamn second; _no_! Why bother! Let's call last minute so that we can annoy the shit out of Sanji, why not!"

"Shut up and get the hell out of my kitchen, you damn brat! I'm seriously gonna kick the your ass if I have to put up with your annoying self for one more second!"

"You're welcome, shitty old fart!" Sanji yelled back as the kitchen doors closed behind him.

"Don't you dare fuck this up, eggplant!" a muffled voice reached through the still batting kitchen doors.

Sanji didn't stop his tracks even when he realised half the restaurant was looking at him with wide eyes and scandalized expressions. They had probably heard everything after 'shut up and get the hell out of my kitchen', a string of pearls one after another. Nice. Lovely. _Fantastic_. So much for not wanting to make a scene in front of the dinner guests. Sanji restrained himself from face-palming in public and left the Baratie as fast as he could, heading for his car which was luckily still 'parked' there. No one had seemed to notice it hadn't been locked. Better.

He tossed the package on the driver's seat and the engine roared to life before meddling with the night traffic at a dangerous speed that earned him some insults and raised middle fingers which he decidedly ignored.

When he finally saw a divine redhead and a childish raven boy waiting on the sidewalk, he almost broke the brakes while succeeding in stopping right in front of them with a cocky smirk. Wasn't he cool.

"I told you to drive safe," Nami muttered with a chastising frown. What a lovely angel she was, caring for his safety! But no way was he going to make her wait for too long just because his old man had decided his main goal in life was to make Sanji's insufferable. He hadn't killed himself or anyone else for that matter, so everything was fine.

"Get in, love. I promise I'll get us there in time," Sanji offered with a soft charming smile.

Luffy jumped into the car hurriedly while apologizing with a wide grin painted across his face, not waiting for Nami to go in first, the caveman. "Sorry about that Sanji! Stupid car didn't want to work!"

"You broke it, dammit!" Nami yelled at him while getting in right after. "Are we late?"

"Kind of, but don't worry, I'll try and take a shortcut there. If traffic is not too bad we can make it in time. Hopefully," Sanji answered, smiling at her with affection through the front mirror. "And Luffy, what the hell did you even do to break the poor thing? Wasn't it new or something?"

"It's not my fault! It refused to work so I..."

"Whatever. Let's get going, it's a really important night for Robin and I don't want us to be too late," Nami cut him with a frown, effectively shutting him up. Just for a while, not that he could stay silent for more than thirty seconds.

"What's this?"

Sanji's heart found a new home up his throat as he saw the bubbly guy's hand reaching to the front sit and casually grabbing Zeff's package. His own hand came into view as it slapped Luffy's away, liberating the object of his stress in the process. He fixed the guy with a warning scowl through the front mirror.

"Robin's present. From Zeff."

Luffy blinked with pure curiosity, leading his gaze from Sanji to the present and back to him, his expression clearly showing he was dying to open it. Luckiliy enough, Sanji had earned himself some authority through the years since he had met the loud childish boy and that seemed enough to keep him at bay. At least for now.

"Is it meat?"

Sanji rolled his eyes with exasperation and Nami copied the gesture by Luffy's side.

"Does it look like meat, Luffy?" Sanji asked, as if he was talking to a three-year-old kid.

Luffy frowned for good measure, seriously considering it but apparently dismissing the thought as his mind moved to the following problem in his list of life-changing problems.

"Is there gonna be any meat there?" the raven guy demanded with bright stars shining in his round eyes.

"Not there, you damn black hole, but there'll probably be some in the after party."

"Great! Great! _Meat feast!_ " Luffy exploded throwing his fists in the air like a madman, only to crash them against the roof of the car.

" _Careful with my car!_ "

"Luffy, can you just shut up?! I'm getting a headache!"

"Luffy, stop moving around, I'm trying to drive, we're seriously gonna have an accident!"

" _Meat feaaaast!"_ Luffy kept sing-songing, oblivious of the fact that both the blonde's and the redhead's brains were working out different ways of shuting him up, none of them pleasant for him and a lot of them involving physical violence.

"Luffy, if you don't shut the fuck up right now, I'll never cook for you again, I swear!"

And the car abruptly fell silent except for the relieved sigh Nami let out as she massaged her temples. Sanji drived at dangerous speed dodging surprised drivers here and there, determined to get to the Museum in time.

At one point Luffy began his nonesense chatter again and Sanji ended up laughing at something especially stupid the boy had just said while Nami face-palmed in embarrassment.

"How did I end up with this idiot?" they heard her mutter. Luffy just cheekily grinned at her. Sanji let out a melancholic smile, forcing his eyes of the road, which was slowly widening and welcoming them to brighter lights and higher richer buildings buzzing with busy night life.

As they passed the well-known and noticeable sign that informed them they were leaving East Blue District behind, Sanji looked back at them with a playful smirk and impersonated his best chauffeur voice, which earned a chuckle from Nami and an all-out guffaw from Luffy:

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to All Blue District."

* * *

"We're late, bro!"

Franky impatiently tapped his dress shoe against the floor at the bottom of the stairs, seriously considering going up the second floor to check if a certain someone had gotten lost in his way to his own bathroom. It wasn't an unlikely possibility, it had happened before.

"Zoro!" he yelled again, getting gradually annoyed.

He then heard said man hurriedly stomp downstairs.

"Coming, dammit!" Zoro answered with a deep scowl that showed he was equally as annoyed at being yelled at as Franky was at the whole situation. Franky raised an eyebrow when Zoro almost tripped over the stairs as he was too busy fighting with what had to be the most awful tie Franky had ever had the disgrace to see.

"Hey, bro, do yourself a _super_ favour and go change your tie," Franky carefully suggested as he gave a weird look at Zoro's hand fidgetting with the damn thing in order to put it in place and failing miserably. Not that Franky would point that last thing out, he wasn't suicidal.

"What's wrong with the tie? Seems fine to me," Zoro objected with a frown, almost cross-eyeing when he looked down to inspect the object of discussion.

Franky sighed and shrugged, not even trying again and instead doing Zoro's tie for him. He had given him a chance, that had been fair, it's not like he hadn't warned him against the absurdity of the misfortunate piece of clothing. They were already running late and he didn't need Robin kicking his ass for it, thank you very much. Once he was done with it, he patted Zoro's shoulder and swiftly straightened his shirt and blazer, nodding to himself as the greenhead looked now presentable. If he obliterated the tie from the general picture, that is.

"Let's get going. I really don't want to be late," Franky hurried him, slightly pushing Zoro to the front door while switching off the lights for him.

"I know where the door is," Zoro grunted in his grumpy tenor.

"Good for you, bro. You're really progressing, five minutes ago you didn't even seem to know where your stairs were. Congratulations!"

"Oi!" came an indignant response.

"Stop oi-ing me and get into the car. If we end up being later than Robin thinks it's acceptable, I'm gonna point at you when asked whose fault it was, and I can guarantee the consequences are _not_ going to be pleasant, bro."

Zoro did as he was told and waited for Franky to get into the driver's side and start the engine, scowling all along. Not that it made much of a difference in his face as his expression always had a certain degree of a scowl in it.

"Relax your face, bro, you'll end up having a serious case of wrinkles in between your eyebrows by the time you're thirty," Franky commented while joining the traffic. There was a certain mocking tone in his voice, but Zoro decided to ignore it. "Moreover, I should be the one getting super angry. You had me waiting for half an hour. Is it really _that_ difficult to find your way to the bathroom?"

"I seriously think you should shut up," Zoro growled, boring a hole in Franky's temple with a murderous glare.

"It's my ass that's gonna be kicked if we fuck up, not yours," Franky countered with a flat tone. "By the way, how was your shift?"

Zoro acommodated himself in his seat and directed a bored glance at the cars in front of them.

"Boring." He yawned as if to make his point clearer. "Today we didn't even have any specific job assigned, we ended up filling our minimum hours doing paper work. Tried to pay Bonney so that she did mine but the bitch didn't want to."

"Jewelry Bonney? Is she that pink haired woman in your unit?"

"Yes," Zoro nodded with a frown. He really looked pissed. "Worst part is that Smoker _did_ shove all his paper work to us, the bastard. So yeah, double shitty work to do."

"Well, Smoker's your boss. Not that you can complain, can you?"

"Still not fair. I hate paper work," Zoro groaned. Really, Smoker wasn't the worst boss he could've had, but he still was a pain in the ass when he wanted to. And he wanted to far too often for Zoro's taste.

"Only because you're lazy," Franky countered. Zoro turned to him with a threatening glare and caught a glimpse of the blue haired man actually having fun with this. He really was too easy to provoke. As if to make a point against that, Zoro just shrugged and closed his eyes, hoping he could get some minutes' worth of sleep before getting to the exhibition. The mere thought of so many people gathered in the same closed place sending each other fake smiles and stupid compliments made him seriously reconsider opening the car's door while Franky was still driving and jumping out of it for dear life, consequences be damned.

"Do you even know where we are going?" Franky asked, driving him out of his line of thought.

"Exhibition."

"Of what?"

Zoro hoped that if he stared ahead and looked really _really_ interested in the traffic lights in front of them for long enough Franky would simply drop the subject, but the frown in said man's face guaratneed otherwise. Zoro puffed and turned to Franky with a resigned questioning look in his eyes. "You tell me."

Franky sighed and seemed to restrain a knowing smirk. He got him there. "Robin made some successful negotiations with Nefertari Vivi months ago and has managed to open an Egyptian wing for the museum. She has obtained super great archaeological pieces that are going to be exposed permanently from now on and there's a small part with unvaluable relics that are going to be exposed for a month and then sent back to Egypt. It's a real privilege that we are invited to the inauguration without even paying. Not everybody is lucky enough to get to see Robin's babies. How super is that, bro?"

Zoro took a moment to consider the weirdness of calling the Egyptian relics 'Robin's babies' before dismissing the thought and slightly smiling at Franky's enthusiasm. He really looked happy.

"Control the fond, Franky, it's all over your face," he teased, but his smile was warm as well. The comment earned him a first row seat to Franky's middle finger's glory but they both started laughing almost instantly. "She's got you wrapped around her finger, man."

Franky's cuckles slowly faded and he finally shrugged with a happy grin.

"The day you find love I'm seriously going to take all this teasing back at you."

Zoro laughed hard and dismissed the idea with the wave of a hand. "The day I find love you'll already be having a serious case of fatherly fondness and I'll have something to counterattack with." His mirthful expression got lost as his eyebrows relaxed and a thoughtful look kissed his steel eyes for a second before schooling his features back into indifference. "That if I ever find love."

"You could always try your luck with Bonney. I don't think she'd say no."

Zoro choked and while he desperately tried to catch his breath with tears crowning his eyes and coughing he heard Franky histerically laughing and punching the wheel, which only made him double fear for his life, wondering if he'd die from suffocation or after crashing into a building. Really, if that meant he could get the image out of his brain, he'd gladly accept the premature ending of his life.

"Not in a million years, _what the fuck_! Have you gone nuts?!" he managed with an outraged whine. Franky didn't even listen; he was concentrating in trying not to kill them both while fighting his laughter away, tears running down his cheeks. "Bastard!"

"You looked down, bro. I was just trying to lay down some available options for you to consider," Franky succeeded to inform before bursting again and almost choking himself.

"Fuck that. She's the last person I'd ever try anything with," Zoro irritably declared. "Aside from Perona, she's even worse... Oh shit, why did I even imagine it?! Get it out of my head before it explodes!"

Franky guffawed again, having serious trouble with finding back his breath at this point.

"Moreover, I'm most definitely _not_ Bonney's type."

"Why not? You both have funny hair colours! Pink and green kind of match."

"You're one to talk!"

Zoro had to wait until a new wave of histerical laughter started to fade away before speaking again, his scowl deep as ever. Why was he even trying to argue with him? He was just clearly trying to make fun of him.

"I'd need to have a pair of breasts she could bore her eyes into for her to ever be interested. And even if I had them, I'm positive we'd try to kill each other before 24 hours had gone by, so no, definitely _not_ working. And anyway, finding love is _most definitely_ the _last_ thing I need right now; I'm a busy man. Now, if you'd be nice enough to let me forget about this horrific idea, I'd really appreciate it, _thank you very much_."

Franky was still laughing and now coughing to get his breath back when the Museum appeared before their eyes, flashy lights, wealthy smart-dressed people and expensive cars surrounding the building. Zoro rolled his eyes and started to feel that familiar sense of not belonging as Franky parked his car near the entrance. It was a miracle they had made it there in one piece, but there they were. Zoro was starting to wish they'd crashed against a wall when they had the chance to.

"Ready?" the older man asked. His gaze was finally calm and his breathing had come down to normal. Knowing Zoro felt like a fish out of water at these kind of events, he was trying to give him a confident mental nudge.

"Not really, but let's get going," Zoro sighed before peeling himself out of the car. It took him all of his mental will-power to not hug the car seat like a koala and declare a friendship strike, he swore. Robin should know better than to invite him to these things.

Franky nodded and followed suit, straightening his shirt and giving himself one last look in the side mirror to check his quaff. Once he made sure it was still in place, he turned to Zoro. Who was nowhere to be seen.

"Zoro?" he called, spinning around to see if he could spot him. Nothing. No way in hell, had he gotten lost again?! "That damn lost child…"

* * *

Luffy titled his head and got on his tiptoes, scanning the crowd. He seemed to have seen something when he got out of the car. That is, when Sanji hadn't even finished parking.

"Dammit, Luffy, that was dangerous!" Sanji scolded him while locking the car. "First I park the car, _then_ you get out of it! That's how it usually works!"

Nami chuckled behind him; she had given up long ago. Luffy still seemed pretty interested in something else rather than Sanji's reprimand.

"I think I just saw Zoro, but he just kind of disappeared," Luffy muttered distractedly. "I thought he was going to come with Franky but I can't see him either."

"How did you lose him? His head is easily trackable in the middle of the crowd," Nami muttered beside him, taking a brief look herself. "Well, that if he stays still. He's probably gotten lost. Anyways, we'll see him inside, so don't worry too much and let's hurry, we're already late," she rushed them with a wave.

Sanji blinked once and then rushed to her side while heading towards the Museum entrance, where everyone seemed to be going, surrounded by compliments and the superficial loud chatter that can be heard when a big pedantic crowd gets together. The blonde looked at Nami with questioning eyes but stayed quiet for a while. When they got near the doors, his curiosity got the best of him, so he asked.

"So, who's Zoro?"

 **TBC**


	3. Chapter 2 - Close Call

...

* * *

...

 **Chapter 2**

 **Close call**

...

* * *

...

Sanji showed his invitation card with a gentle appreciating smile at the female guard on the right side of the entrance. She checked both the invitation and his ID with a professional serious look, not even sparing a glance at him aside from the brief one needed to check if his ID photo matched his face. When she determined it did, she let him pass with a curt polite greeting and Sanji profusely said his goodbyes without forgetting to highlight how beautiful she was looking tonight. Not that she paid him any attention, but Sanji didn't have a problem with that.

Nami and Luffy were waiting for him inside of the building after having already been checked. They were now holding champagne cups as they discussed the topic that had been left hanging as they reached the entrance doors; Luffy was looking outraged while Nami shrugged at him, a little confused frown tinting her features. Sanji turned to an uptight waiter to get his little treat with a thankful smile, and the couple turned to him, resuming where they had left.

"Zoro is a friend of us," Nami explained. "I didn't remember we hadn't had the chance to introduce you yet."

"I can't believe this! How come you don't know him, you should by now! At least you must've heard me talk about him or something!" Luffy threw his hands to his head, wearing an expression that suggested that not knowing the man was a serious capital crime.

"No. Never heard about the guy. And obviously never met him."

"He's awesome, Sanji!" Luffy proclaimed with a shit-eating smile, momentarily forgetting about his indignation in order to praise him. "He's a really good friend of us since quite long ago!"

"Now that you mention it, it _is_ weird we haven't thought of introducing them up 'til now," Nami commented with a thoughtful look. "Never thought of it, really. To be fair, you do have different work schedules and Zoro is about as sociable as a brick wall. It's weird you haven't heard about him though; not that me or Robin would mention him a lot, but Luffy does talk about him and his cool moves if he's not talking about meat or saying idiotic things."

Sanji blinked at that. He balanced how rude it could be to tell her he didn't listen to her boyfriend's babblering about 90% of the time so it wasn't really _that_ strange for him not to have heard the guy's name before even if Luffy had mentioned it. Yeah, probably really rude. Not that Luffy would give a damn about this confession since the bubbly man was too occupied freaking out about the fact that Sanji didn't know Zoro and that was apparently not conceivable by any means. And really, Nami didn't listen to her own boyfriend a probably higher percentage of the time than Sanji did. But it was still rude, so he dismissed the potential answer and decided to use the always healthy and toned-down resource that was shrugging.

"But that can't be!" Luffy almost yelled, actually looking indignant. "You just can't not know Zoro! What was I ever thinking, not to introduce you before?"

"What about you relax? I haven't died from not knowing him, I'll be fine," sarcasm was now part of each pore of his being, but Luffy didn't seem to get the sarcasm part so he looked at Sanji with threatening eyes that clearly told him he _wouldn't_ be fine from now on if Luffy had a saying in it. Sanji felt the urge to roll his eyes at that. Then Luffy's expression changed to a bright grin that almost blinded his audience, making his face almost split in two.

"Well, you don't have to worry anymore, Sanji. We'll fix this disaster tonight! I'll introduce you guys!" he offered, all happiness and annoying confidence in something nobody else but him seemed to be seeing. "You'll see, Sanji. He is gonna be your best friend, I'm telling you!"

"And since when do you just go and decide who my _best friend_ is?"

"Sanji, you're really stupid, it's not like _I'm_ deciding. It's just the way it is," Luffy puffed with an exasperated look that begged to be kicked out of his face. Luffy talking to him like he was a brat wasn't exactly the way things should be going in Sanji's mind, but rather the other way round. But since he was in a public place surrounded by important wealthy people and it was Robin's night, he decided on just sighing and going along with it.

Sanji hadn't missed Nami's eyebrow raising when Luffy had announced his new best friendship to-be, though. That made him deeply doubt things would go just as Luffy was foretelling, but he settled on not giving the matter one more ounce of importance since he really wasn't that interested, just curious. Luffy's friends were usually far from ordinary and rather eccentric but general rule was that they were cool and fun to hang out with. Luffy wouldn't have it any other way. He actually wondered what the new guy would be like. Well, not so new apparently, just that he didn't know him yet. Weird indeed, Luffy didn't normally take long before deciding his friends _had to_ be each other's friends as well.

Not that he was particularly worried about the issue, he actually forgot it fast, taking into account he had an undesired package hanging under his arm which could be as bad as a bomb for some of the higher-ups attending the event, or even worse than that, if they happened to find out. That may be having him feeling a little bit uneasy and only maybe a little bit nervous and tense.

"We should go find Robin," he reminded his friends with a calm casual expression as he looked through the crowd to see if he could identify the dark haired woman somewhere in the hall. It shouldn't be difficult to spot her, really, she was a sight Sanji's expert gaze would never miss even in a crowded place. Yet, she was nowhere to be seen. He wondered if she'd be surrounded by important men congratulating her or if maybe she was to make her appearance once everyone had gathered inside the main building. A soft familiar voice in his back told him neither were the case.

"Looking for someone?"

Sanji turned to her fast enough for his neck to crack. That had been unexpected and quite startling given his nerves were on the process of being fried, but that didn't prevent him from beaming at the tall gorgeous woman, truly happy to see her.

"Robin!", his voice mixed with both Nami's and Luffy's and even though he was closer, Nami made her move first and throwed herself into Robin's arms, squishing her with glee while lavishing praises and congratulations, never caring about their beautiful – and probably expensive – dresses wrinkling, lavender blue against bright scarlet. When Robin was seemingly freed, Sanji closed the distance left between them and gave her cheek a chaste kiss before dramatically taking her hand and landing his lips there with a brieve brush, hand behind his back and slightly bowing with grace. That earned him exactly what he'd been looking for: Robin's soft chuckle.

"You're always a gentleman," Robin stated with a smile that sent light beautiful crinkles around his eyes.

"Robin, my dear! You look esplendid tonight! This dress suits your face heavenly!" he cooed with his usual over-enthusiasm. Of course he would have said exactly the same had Robin been wearing an old broken shitty T-shirt with unmatched sweat pants and frilly socks, and Robin knew that, but she got the hint and smiled back, as she always did, politely thanking him in the process.

When Sanji broke appart hell broke loose as Luffy launched himself to Robin and held one of her hands with both of his, shaking it rather too enthusiastically for it to even be comfortable while shooting an attack of congratulations and few praises as preliminary greeting and then a whole arsenal of questions regarding meat, feasts, hidden treasures in the museum, free meals and walking living mummies apparently ready and about to wake from their sarcophagus and walk around the museum so that he could be friends with them. And the list would have gone on and on if Sanji's foot hadn't helpfully joined in by greeting Luffy's shin, which ended the assault with a final "ouch, what was that for?" and a friendly – not really – "shut the fuck up and let her breathe!"

Robin chuckled at Luffy's and Sanji's antics and then proceeded to kindly answer Luffy's questions, especially to reassure the black hole that there'd indeed be tons of meat in the after party and that, no, there wouldn't be any mummies walking around, which funnily enough caused two totally different chained reactions from the young man, who ended up not knowing if he should be beaming and doing some stupid 'meat dance' or crying and pouting in a corner over the fact that he couldn't have a mummy friend. By then Sanji and Nami were both rubbing their faces in both embarrassment and despair.

"So," Nami intervened, pushing Luffy out of the way in order to try and establish some kind of serious conversation that didn't embarrass them all. "Where's your man?"

Her face had brightened up to a knowing smug smirk. Robin sighed but looked kind of amused as she answered.

"He was supposed to give Zoro a ride, so they should come together."

"Oh, girl," Nami exclaimed, getting a matching accepting look from Robin. "They will never make it here if it's up to Zoro. Oh my, let's just really hope he's not the one driving. Oh, wait, you saw him outside, though, didn't you Luffy?"

Robin half laughed at that, looking truly amused now.

"Why shouldn't they make it here?" Sanji asked, feeling kind of left out since he didn't know what they were finding so amusing. "Doesn't he want to come?"

"No, he doesn't, but he will, he values his life. It's just that he's _seriously_ directionally-challenged," Luffy explained with a smile that was almost a laugh.

"Believe me, it's an issue. I think it's pathological, you wouldn't even believe where he's gotten himself into when finding his way through _his_ dinning room," Nami added, seemingly enjoying bashing their friend for good. Sanji bet that Zoro-guy wouldn't be exactly pleased with the way he was being talked about in front of strangers, but found himself smiling back at them with a small grin. This was actually fun. And stupid.

"Really?"

"No kidding. This guy is something else," Nami nodded. All along Robin was discretely chuckling beside them, which only made Sanji believe it without further asking; the woman had a very particular sense of humor and wouldn't be laughing if their statements didn't hold some truth in them.

"Have you seen Usopp and Kaya yet?" Robin asked, changing the topic.

"Are they already here?" Sanji asked with a surprised smile. He shouldn't be the least bit surprised though, Usopp was a punctual man and they had been late, so they obviously were already there.

"Yes, they just went that way," Robin pointed, but neither of them could see the couple as it was far too crowded. "If you want you can go and say hello, I'll be wandering around."

"Yay! It's been ages since I've seen them! Luffy, you coming?" Nami widely smiled, pulling the raven boy with her and then looking at Sanji to see if he followed.

"Coming in a minute. I have this present I have to give her. Go find them and I'll come right after!" Sanji nodded with an equally wide smile.

Man, they loved Usopp. He was pretty sure he was Nami's best friend and the redhead was really fond of the curly haired man, to the point where they chatted and hugged as if they were brother and sister. It would even be endearing if Nami avoided smashing the long-nose's face against her generous bust as if nothing was amiss when she hugged him after time of not seeing each other; every time Usopp re-emerged from the abyss he'd been put in he was red as hell and didn't know what to do with himself as he activated his default-mantra in this kind of situations: _Kaya, Kaya, Kaya_. Not that the situation got weird for Nami, she just kept chirping about clothes and style and money and gossips to her friend, oblivious of the fact that the other was still having a mental breakdown. So yeah. _Almost_ a brotherly-sisterly relationship. Well, more like sisters' relationship. Yes, that matched better.

As for him, he had grown to appreciate the man as one of his best friends, even with his tall lies and his scaredy-cat presonality, he was smart, skillfull and passionate about what he loved to do, he was caring and nice and always had it in him to try and cheer his friends up when he thought they were feeling down, even if he mostly miserably failed.

And when it came to Luffy and Usopp... well, they were hilarious, almost like a comical duo and probably the best friends ever to step on Earth.

"So you had something for me?"

The soft voice dragged him back from his fond thoughts to realise that Nami and Luffy had already disappeared into the crowd and now it was only him and Robin standing in front of each other and a package under his arm.

"Uh... Yes, sorry, love," he hurriedly handed the package to her with a beam, all the motion natural and totally casual to the outsider eye. Robin took it with a smile that told him he had also tricked her into thinking nothing was amiss. Which definitely deserved a pat on the back for his acting skills since Robin was the most difficult person to trick he had ever met. The way his hand rested a second too long holding the present when she had grabbed the other end sent the message, though. Her eyes inmediately shone a different shade as she fixed them on Sanji's, her smile never fading.

"It's from Zeff," Sanji explained, cheerful and laid back. "He wanted to congratulate you for your success but couldn't make it since he had to cover my shift. He told me to give this to you, I think it's some kind of sweet he made himself. Anyway, it sure is food coming from my old man. And if he's the one who cooked it then it's probably _really_ good."

"Oh my! Tell Zeff I'm really thankful for this! I'll make sure I call him myself to thank him but do it anyway," Robin answered with a bubbly thankful tone – the restrained range of bubbly you could possibly get from Robin, that is, which definitely doesn't reach Luffy's lowest level.

Sanji let go of the package, smile still on his face as he gently nodded. Robin had gotten the message. One, he never called Zeff by his name when talking about him to his friends. To them and to pretty much everyone, he was the 'old geezer' and variables he came up with depending on his degree of annoyance when he mentioned him. Second, he never praised Zeff's food out of the blue, _least_ if he hadn't made some previous clarification than his cooking was obviously worlds better than his old man's. But even if those were strange little things totally out of place in the friendly casual conversation, they were mere complements to the main issue. Zeff would have never sent Robin a present to congratulate her for her exhibition under the pretext that he couldn't make it because, on the one hand, he would have never come here on his own will, not even if he was dragged, and even if he was invited, which he wasn't because Robin never sent him an invitation card. On the other hand, since when the fuck was Zeff as considerate as to send someone a present for their personal achievements he didn't give shit about?

Making sure all of the hints had sunk in when he was reflected in Robin's very knowing gaze, Sanji felt some sort of relief run through his organism and left the package to her care. She'd know what to make of it. Message sent. Job done. His free night started now. Time to actually have fun and enjoy it.

"Miss Nico Robin?"

First thing Sanji noticed as his heart bumped against his chest was the light change in Robin's grasp, her fingers digging in the package in an almost imperceptible way. His blue eyes swiftly climbed to Robin's ones for a split of a second, but she was already looking elsewhere, no emotion he could figure out sparkling in them. He quickly followed her gaze and froze in place at the sight of the man who was now beside them. Sanji hadn't even sensed his approach until he had called Robin's name, which was unusual.

"Mayor Crocodile," Robin nodded in a polite greeting, working up a smile.

Sanji felt cold sweat break down his spine, his throat suddenly dry and speechless. Really? Was this some kind of joke? His heart was fighting to get out through his firmly closed mouth as a dangerous vibe took over the atmosphere around them, hundreds of questions invading his swamped brain. Had he heard? Was he suspecting something? Was he even paying any attention to the 'present' Robin was currently holding for dear life? How fucked were they right now? Fuck. _Fuck_. He was the last person he needed to suspect them aside from Doflamingo. Not him. What the fuck was he even doing here? Dammit, was he an idiot? It was one of the most important exhibitions Grand Line City had hosted that year, _of fucking course_ the Mayor would be there. How hadn't he thought about that? How had the fucking old geezer not thought about that! And what the fuck was his luck that Crocodile had to appear right when he was doing the delivery! Seriously now, what the hell?! Please let him not find out. Please, _please_ let him not find out.

"Congratulations for your success, miss Nico," Sanji was dragged out of his mental prayers, cursings and whines as the low silky voice escaped Crocodile's lips, currently curling into a cold smile that deformed the scar runing over his nose from side to side of his olive skinned face. The sight was kind of disturbing but still mesmerizing. Sanji found his numbed mind trying to figure out how that nasty scar had ended up there. How he had survived that. It looked like it had been pretty deep.

"Thank you very much, Mayor," Robin answered with her polite tone, the one that wouldn't give anything away, the one she seemed to have mastered to perfection. "It is an honour that you were able to come."

"Well, it is an honour to have citizens like you who do so much for this city's prosperity. You deserve every bit of credit we can possibly give to you," Crocodile replied with that uncomfortable smile that held the ability to make one feel like they were being escrutinized. Sanji's eyes didn't leave Crocodile's for any sign of suspicion but he hadn't as much as glanced to the package in Robin's arms. "Moreover, I happen to have some Egyptian blood, so I am _really_ intereseted. Are you planning on any more additions?"

"None that are already being negotiated, but seeing as this one seems to be a success, I am talking the Museum to it," Robin explained, the same kind of smile plastered in her face. Was it only Sanji or did the conversation feel like two tigers were rounding and assessing each other, ready for the other's first move? Man, Sanji had never wanted to evaporate from a spot so bad. How suspicious would it be if he just casually walked away without as much as greeting his city's Mayor?

"That is great, indeed. I am looking forward to it," Crocodile nodded. Then, to Sanji's dismay, his creepy gaze turned to him, giving him a long hard stare Sanji didn't like one bit. But as far as he knew, this was the kind of look the man always wore when he appeared on TV news. He hadn't seen that much of him but, for all the times he did, his expression had always been exactly the same, no matter who he was talking to when he appeared on screen. So he told himself he was overreacting. Really. There was nothing particularly especial about the way his eyes bored into his blue ones. He didn't even look that interested, so maybe he was being just a little paranoid. "And may I know the young man's name?"

Sanji's brain caught up with his battle sharpened instincts. Shit, he _really_ didn't want to give that man his name. But hell if that wasn't going to be damn suspicious if he just shut his mouth and refused to engage conversation. Wait, was refusing to answer the Mayor when asked a direct question a crime in his fucked up country's legal system? He wasn't sure, but he definitely didn't want to try out his luck. The atmosphere was already tensing to a breaking point. So he kicked his brain cells into motion and drew a polite smile as he took the offered meaty hand, fingers crammed with expensive looking rings.

"Sanji," he curtly answered, softening his straining tone at the end of his name while cursing himself for starting rough. "It's an honour to meet you, Mayor."

Crocodile nodded approvingly and then his attention returned to Robin as he let go of Sanji's hand, which was currently feeling the coldness of the other man's touch, trying not to shiver and wipe it on his shirt. Dammit.

"Well, I will leave you to Sanji, then. I would not want to interrupt you two and make this akward. We will be seeing each other later," he announced while broading his smile for Robin and elegantly leaving them alone.

What had that been? Some kind of warning? Had he suspected something? Sanji was about to have a breakdown when Robin's hand rested on his shoulder. He immediately collected himself, knowing that the only thing that gave away his nervousness were his eyes, but that was enough for Robin to notice. He fixed his gaze on the raven haired woman, completely silent.

"I'm going to get Zeff's present in the back rooms with the other presents I have received tonight so I don't have to carry it around," she told him, her voice casual, reminding him of where they were. So Sanji brought a wide laid back smile to his lips as he shook his head in agreement, resuming their previous conversation as if nothing was amiss. As if his heart wasn't about to stop working right there and then because there was no way the beating organ could keep up with the rythm it had fallen into, almost punching his chest.

"Fine, love. I'm going to look for Usopp, then. See you later?"

"See you later," Robin beamed as she started to walk away. Before he lost her in the crowd, Sanji turned to her and called her name, no strain whatsoever in his voice, now totally under control.

"Can I smoke in here?" he asked, showing her an unlit cigarette held in the air. Robin blinked at that but shook her head in dismissal.

"You can if you go outside, though. The gardens or a balcony will be fine," she indicated with a light understanding smile.

Sanji beamed at her and nonchalantly opened his way through the crowd, trying to keep his feet under control so that they didn't start running to the nearest balcony without his permission. He needed a smoke like he needed air. He felt like he would choke on his own breathing if he didn't do something to calm down and the nicotine was literally screaming for him to make a good use of it. He needed out. He needed out and now. He felt his lower lip tremble at the whole tension of keeping himself at bay, the only sign of the storm currently going on inside him. The cigarette was almost crushed between his fingers when someone startled him, and it took everything he had to not jump a foot in the air and instead casually turning to the voice with his 'everything's-allright' mask on.

"Sanji!"

The blond smiled back at Luffy, who had started dragging him through the crowd and inconveniently far away from the balcony. Sanji repressed his itching leg, which seemed to want to aim at Luffy's head on his own accord and instead followed de black haired boy towards his group of friends.

"Sanji, my man, it's been a long time!"

Usopp left Kaya's hand for a moment to give him a brotherly hug Sanji returned while distractedly taping at the long-nose back with his hand. Damn, he really needed that cigarette.

"You're exagerating here, it has only been about..." Sanji's brain was set to work as it caught up with his mouth. "...two weeks."

"Yeah, yeah, I miss you _too_ , Sanji," Usopp frowned at him and Sanji let out an amused grin. Then he turned to Kaya and kissed her pale hand without his mind registering if he had made his usual love dance or had just leaned in. _Concentrate_ , he ordered himself with a mental frown. Goal was to look natural.

"And how have you been, Kaya?" he asked with a kind smile as Usopp took her hand back with affection.

"Fine, really. I've been quite busy with exams and all but I finally have some free time," she explained with her sweet voice while Usopp looked at her with fond. Sanji knew his friend had been quite frustrated as he didn't get to see Kaya that often during her exams, but she was finally over them and they had probably spent quite a lot of time together the last few days, which definitely showed on their more vivid and happy faces. Sanji smiled at the sight. They were made for each other. The thought took over his anxiousness for a minute until Nami spoke beside him, setting his guard up again.

"So, did Robin like the present?"

Oh, yeah. Now he remembered why he needed the damn cigarette, his inner turmoil taking over him yet again.

"Uhm... yeah... well, she didn't actually get to open it, since the Mayor came to greet her and all..." he forced out, distractedly. His gaze temptingly travelled to the far balconies, considering how long it would take for him to cover the distance as his fingers twitched below his waist. "But she was happy to receive it..."

"Wait, stupid Crocodile is here?"

All of their gazes turned to Luffy with wide shocked eyes, their necks almost popping. Nami smacked Luffy in the head for good measure and Sanji put his foot back on the ground. He had almost thrown a kick to the idiot's face, which would have most likely caught attention, and that was the last thing he needed right now, so he mentally thanked Nami for her faster reaction.

"Are you nuts?!" she hissed at Luffy, almost white from the shock.

"What? He's going to make the food taste bad with his presence!" Luffy complained with a serious reasoning face.

Sanji snarled but forced himself to keep his cool as he closed the distance between them and fixed his pissed off glare on Luffy.

"I'm not exactly sure that saying that out loud while the man is wandering around this hall is the smartest way to go about it," Sanji informed, having serious trouble with not yelling at him. "Are you trying to get us in serious trouble?!" he hissed.

"I'm just stating the truth!" Luffy defended himself with a pout.

"Well, you go state it somewhere else!" Sanji groaned, trying to keep the argument at minimum. He really didn't need the spark that would blow the flame in him right now and he especially didn't need anyone eavesdroping on them, so he'd rather make this short. He'd have time to kick the idiot later. "If you dare do or say something stupid again I'll personally kick your ass to the moon and back, got that, rubber-for-brains?"

Damn. The cigarette burned in his hand. He needed it so bad. He needed to calm the fuck down, restraining his temper for so long was something he knew wasn't good for him. It would only make the potential outburst worse.

"Got that?!" he insisted, planting a finger in the shorter man's chest.

Luffy sighed and rolled his eyes, visibly against the idea. If he had a choice he'd probably go kick Crocodile's ass about right then. Luckily enough, this time he hadn't had to literally beat some common sense in him and a warning had been enough to make him shut his trap. But the guy still didn't seem too happy about the scolding and that was potentially dangerous. Sanji sighed as well.

"Listen, if you manage to behave and ignore he's here, I'm gonna cook you a meat feast. Would that do?"

Luffy's eyes lit up at that and Sanji swore any other coherent thought had flown away from the boy's brain as he launched himself in a tight squeezing hug that choked the air out of Sanji.

"Sanji you're, like, the best! You promise? Meat feast?!" he happily yelled, attracting undesired attention to them much to Sanji's dismay.

"Yes, fucking yes, just get off me and let me go get a smoke, dammit!" Sanji growled while fighting to yank the young man off him. When he managed to escape, Luffy was beaming at him next to a very exasperated Nami, probably having forgotten there existed a guy named Crocodile to start with. Sanji made sure to point a threatening finger at him before he started heading to the balcony. "And fucking behave or I swear my offer will burn to ashes!"

Luffy happily nodded and Sanji let out a stressed long sigh, dodging people here and there, hurrying to get out, breathe some fresh air and calm the nerves that were killing him inside. So much for a relaxing night off.

"Sanji-bro!"

Sanji almost kicked something out of frustration when another voice stopped him in his tracks. He turned to face a large bulky man with blue hair in a quiff beaming at him with his big mouth lighting his friendly face. He was wearing a suit that almost looked too small on him and Sanji had to take a moment to get the image together, as he was too used to seeing the man with hawaiian open shirts and speedos he didn't want to rembember him in. Sanji forced a smile out, which turned out to be more natural than he expected.

"Franky!" he exclaimed, letting the man approach him. "You just got here?"

"Yeah, I'm super late because of some idiot who just got lost," the larger man sighed, looking around.

"You looking for Robin?" Sanji asked with a smirk. Franky drew the gesture back to him. "Your beautiful wife is in the back rooms leaving some presents there. She'll be out in a minute I bet. Luffy and the rest are right back there if you want to join them while you wait," he informed, pointing behind him. He couldn't see his friends anymore but with Franky's height the blue-haired man seemed to spot them in the crowd.

"Thank you, bro! You going for a smoke?"

"Yeah, I'll be back in a minute."

Franky gave him a thumbs up and headed to where their crew was, finally leaving Sanji to his own devices as he now rushed to the balcony, not bothering on pretending anymore. He closed the enormous windowed door behing him with a click and his hands started trembling just then. Sanji got away from the door and walked to the rich marbled railing, letting the night chilly breeze wash his features. It took a while for him to light his cancer stick, hand annoyingly trembling against his stubborn will. Damn it. That had been close. _Too_ close. The image of Crocodile just centimetres away from the package made him cringe. What the fuck had they been thinking? Seriously.

He felt himself calm down as nicotine filled his body and he let the smoke out, blending with the night. His gaze rested on the moon and he lazily started looking for stars. Not that he was expecting to see any with all the pollution hovering over the city, but when he managed to spot two blurry ones he smiled. That kind of relaxed him a bit. He told himself nothing had really happened. It had been a big-ass fright and definitely a call of attention for him to be more careful from now on. There were rules that kept them safe and in the dark. He just had to keep sticking to them and tonight's incident would never happen again. Crocodile hadn't even looked at the package so he was probably oblivious of what had been going on in there. He thanked any God that existed for that.

Sanji slowly felt his nerves and heart beat relax, melting with the peace of the night. They were fine. For now. He took another long drag, his limbs not tense anymore, the calm finally spreading through his body... When a ball of moss started growing on the railing out of nowhere. Sanji froze with the cigarette midway to his mouth. He stood there, still like a picture, watching as the moss gradually growed, and suddenly two arms secured themselves on the marbled surface. Moss could grow arms? And then a face appeared under the mass of moss, scowling and apparently not realizing Sanji was gaping right in front of him. The moss-ball groaned and swung until he got his whole body – yes, human body, with limbs and all- over the railing, one leg on the inside and the other still hanging out when he came face to face with a very dumbfounded Sanji. The other man froze in place, his eyes bored in Sanji's with a perplexed look that clearly told him he wasn't expecting anyone to be out in the balcony. Well, Sanji sure didn't expect anyone climbing to a second floor and breaking in _through_ the balcony. They stared at each other, just a few inches away, their respective brain gears set to work and apparently failing miserably in producing coherent thoughts, the silence stretching to a point where someone could have just come and cut it with a knive, serving them both a plate full of their idiocy.

Sanji's brain was the first to kick in as his brows slowly turned to a frown and his eyes widened disbelievingly, the other man's features weirdly matching his as they went through the transformation, almost like a mirror. And the first coherent thought that crossed his mind slipped through his lips without filter.

"The fuck's with the moss growing on your head?!"

 **TBC**


	4. Chapter 3 - Best Friends

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* * *

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 **Chapter 3**

 **Best Friends**

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* * *

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Zoro was officially angry. Was it _that_ hard to build buildings with proper entrance doors placed somewhere you could see? He was probably really fucking late and he feared Robin would take it on his father-career-to-be if he didn't show about right then.

So he saw a high balcony right in front of him and basically decided to climb up since it was the only way he pictured he could get inside.

And then, as he was struggling to get over the railing, his gaze met blue piercing eyes the colour of the sea. First thought was that they were beautiful. Second thought brought his gaze to inspect the face around them. Third was that it was _really_ attractive. Fourth told him that it was a man's, if the goatee was anything to go by. Oh, well. Fifth made him realize the attractive man was opening his mouth in order to say something, his expression swimming between the waters of deadpanning and dumbfounded. Sixth helped him come back to reality to listen to what he was about to say.

"The fuck's with the moss growing on your head?!"

His seventh thought went on the line of ' _what the actual fuck'_.

On an ordinary basis, his mouth would have already snapped a rude retort to that, but it seemed that the part of his brain in charge of making his speech work was on sudden vacation, so nothing came out but sharp blinking, a bit of a frown and an expression he was sure didn't exactly help him in the smart first impression department.

Sanji blinked from the resident moss in the guy's head to his face and then his eyes lingered until they found _the_ tie, making him blink even harder, a hand unconsciously lifting to rub his half open mouth in what could only be defined as pure, primal horror.

"The fuck's with the tie?!" he all but screeched, and he swore his eyes were _bleeding_.

Zoro blinked yet again and if either men's train of thought had been your ordinary person's, they would have realized they were both supidly blinking frantically, Sanji out of horror and Zoro out of utter disbelief at the situation. Which was a pretty stupid scene taking into account they were both grown mature adults. Or so they claimed. But as neither men's train of thought was your ordinary person's, Sanji's was stuck with getting over the absolute abomination of a tie he had in front of him by blinking, while Zoro tried to process the blonde's outburst by blinking even harder. So, yeah, blinking seemed to be the only available course of action at the moment and so neither of them had second thoughts about how ridiculous they looked right then.

Sanji's brain decided to do him a favour and kick in some sense, forcing him to notice something else once he had freaked out about the guy's hair and _tie_. _That tie_ , though.

"And why the fuck were you climbing up the balcony to start with?!"

There. He should have probably started there. But, well, then again, his usual train of thought wasn't exactly your ordinary person's.

Hearing something that actually made sense in the middle of the whole stupidity they had spiralled into, Zoro finally snapped, first coherent pissed off thought being: "And what the fuck's with the dart-brow, shitty curly-brows!"

Sanji gaped at that, deeply frowning at him.

"You know, that was low. Picking up on people's appearance is not nice, moss head," he countered, taking a drag of his cigarette as nonchalantly as his temper allowed him in an attempt to not resort to violence straight away. Now, the moss-head had really pissed him off. Like, _for real._

Zoro airily scoffed at that, feeling offended as he had ever been. The guy was unbelievable. "Oh, and what did _you_ just do?"

" _Obviously_ , I was worrying about your health since having moss growing on your head can't possibly be normal or healthy for that matter. How did you even grow it? Did someone spread seeds on your scalp and watered them on a daily basis or what?"

Zoro blinked yet again at the amounts of utter bullshit coming out of the hot annoying blonde's mouth, that until anger kicked in again and made him snarl.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you nuts, curly-brow?"

"Says the guy who climbed up the railing sporting a botanical garden on his head," Sanji replied with a shrug as he took another drag and kindly blew smoke into Zoro's face, making the other man cough and send him a death glare. "Anyways, what were you climbing the balcony for? You know you need an invitation to get in here, right?"

Zoro scowled at him as he patted for the damn invitation thing in his pockets, not leaving the blonde's eyes, defiant. The thought had occurred to him that maybe the guy was some kind of guard, and he didn't want to have trouble with that, even if the man in front of him was a prick and deserved a beating. If it was an invitation he wanted, he was getting it, but not without a cocky smile of his. He was sure the bastard was looking for an excuse to kick him out. Well, he wasn't giving him any. His fingers finally grazed the invitation and he all but plastered it in the blonde's face, cocky grin effectively in place and growing wider as the other's expression turned into an annoyed one.

"Okay, fine, whatever. Any reason you were climbing though? Does the moss family have anything personal against front doors?"

Zoro's grin faded away as he scowled at the damn blonde again. Dart-brow guy was now smirking around his cigarette, apparently amused at his own teasing. Damn it, the guy _was_ attractive.

"Not my problem they hide the stupid front doors from sight," he growled.

The blonde's eyes widened for a moment, assessing him as if he wasn't sure if he was joking or not. Seeing the serious expression Zoro wore, he settled for deadpanning, which made Zoro feel utterly stupid, which was probably what the blonde was looking for.

"You mean _that_ front door?"

Zoro's gaze followed the direction the blonde's finger was pointing at. The enormous front doors were right beside their balcony in a lower level, framed by giant rich columns and flashy lights. Zoro blinked at them. When had they moved there? They weren't there to start with. He swore they weren't. His eyes carefully turned to the blonde, who was still deadpanning, an expression he seemed to have mastered like a pro.

"They. Weren't. There," Zoro slowly pointed out, getting all defensive but trying to keep his composure.

"Mmm, yes, they were," the man replied, his expression not changing a bit. Well, except for the corner of his lips. It was slightly curling upwards. That made Zoro boil in anger, his face blushing in embarrassment as he knew what was coming. That seemed to be it for Curly-brow, who bursted laughing, having to clutch at his stomach, bending downwards to try and regain his breathing.

"Shut your face!" Zoro yelled. An order the blonde obviously didn't cater to. Zoro groaned and walked passed him with the most embarrassed expression he'd pulled in a while despite his efforts to restrain it. "Fuck you, dart-brow!"

Sanji was left there in the balcony, laughing like mad by himself as Zoro stomped inside, growling and cursing under his breath, deciding that he hated the guy with everything in his gut and wishing he'd never see the bastard again.

Attractive or not.

* * *

"Zoro! You're finally here!"

Luffy jumped at his back like a monkey and decided it was comfortable enough as to stay there with a huge grin splitting his face. He never asked Zoro if he was okay with this, but the green haired man had already come to the conclusion that it was useless trying to fight the younger boy off of him as it had become quite an annoying habit of his to cling to him like a koala whenever he saw him.

"Where were you, bro? You just disappeared!" Franky exclaimed as some of his friends let out not so discrete chuckles. Answer was no mystery.

" _You_ disappeared," Zoro defended himself. That was his version of the story, of course, but to him it was just as much of a fact as his hair colour.

"Did you get lost again, Zoro?" Luffy asked with a bubbly tone, practically shoving his curious face into his ear when he craned his neck to look at him.

"No."

He heard Nami laugh at that, _that witch_ , but all of the others were laughing as well so he realized there was no point in wasting time trying to shut them all up; they'd get tired eventually. Or so he hoped.

* * *

Sanji had finally controled his laughing fit and was now finishing his cigarette leaning on the railing as he took in the city lights climbing up skyscrapers he couldn't see since the evening had already engulfed them. It gave the impression of small lights suspended in the air, aiming for the sky. Sanji smiled at the sight. Grand Line was a busy city, full of business and life, people wandering here and there, heavy traffic and large suburbs surrounding the very center. Sanji threw his cigarette away after crushing the butt against his sole and made it inside.

The smoke break had calmed him a bit, and the weird-as-fuck meeting with the weird-as-fuck moss-head had helped lighten the mood somehow, even if the guy had managed to piss him off to a surprising extent taking into account he had barely had the chance to speak much while Sanji had been the one to go all out on him. Not that he was to see the weirdo again, so he just shrugged it off. It had been a fun anecdote to keep in mind the day he ran out of stories to tell his grandchildren. Not that they would believe someone could grow moss for hair, but that didn't really matter, once he'd reached a certain respectable age, he would be able to say whatever he pleased without giving a fuck about his credibility. Not that he gave one now.

"Sanjiiiii, we're here!"

His gaze fell on Nami, who was waving in the middle of the crowd, gorgeous as always. Sanji felt a bright smile tugging his lips as he walked towards the group. Luffy was wrapped around someone's back as usual and Sanji rolled his eyes at the guy's antics. The raven haired boy pulled at the poor soul's ears to make him turn around with an excited face, pointing at Sanji with one finger as he all but bounced on the guy's back.

"ZoroZoro! This is Sanji! Look _look_!"

Sanji's eyes widened when a glimpse of moss greeted him with equally wide eyes.

" _You!_ " they both yelled, accusingly pointing a finger at each other, their faces contorted into a mix of shock and a snarl.

The group looked from one to the other, surprised. "You know each other?" Luffy asked, excited as ever, apparently not quite grasping the mood.

"Hardly."

"Kind of."

"We don't know each other, dart-brow!" Zoro growled, keeping the distance instead of getting into the blonde's space, which was pretty much what he was itching for right now. Manners, personal space and all that crap. Had he been in more favourable surroundings, he would have already beaten that bastard down to a pulp.

"Well, of course we _don't_ , but we just met outside, stupid marimo!"

And then Robin _snorted_. The group turned to her with shocked expressions, starting with her husband, whose jaw was currently moping the floor. Robin _never_ snorted. Like, ever. At this point Sanji didn't know what was weirder: having met a guy with moss growing on his head or his delicate and elegant Robin snorting. Either way, a small smile started tugging at his lips as he realized what Robin had laughed at with a good dose of delay. It's not like he processed half of what he said until after it had left his mouth or someone pointed it out. Zoro, on the other side, took it as a bad sign.

"What's so funny?" he suspiciously asked, not really wanting to know. Then he turned to the curly-brow bastard with a scowl. "And what the fuck is a marimo?"

Robin then chuckled, barely containing her laughter behind a hand. A smug grin appeared on Sanji's face. "Maybe Robin can tell you."

Putting two and two together, because he was a smart boy, Zoro looked back at Robin, wondering what was so funny about marimos. Did he even want to know? Nah, probably not. Too late though.

"It is... Well, a kind of seaweed ball that grows in Japan. It's kind of rare, a national treasure, I believe. It... oh my, Sanji, you hit the mark there," she chuckled yet again. "It actually looks like his hair."

Zoro heard Usopp snorting behind him and turned to fix him with a murderous glare. The long-nose would have shriecked in panick if he hadn't been too busy being thoroughly amused by something. Zoro spotted the phone his friend was holding and snatched it from his hand. The bastard had a Wikipedia page opened regarding seaweeds, an ilustrative image of the damn algae invading most of the screen. Usopp laughed even harder and Zoro decided not to waste time with him, turning directly to snarl at Sanji.

"You're an asshole," he spat.

But Luffy's laugh pierced his ears and left him unable to say anything else as he had managed to steal Usopp's phone from Zoro's hand and was now passing the picture around for everyone to see, the chorus of laughters growing stronger with each hand it was passed to.

Zoro flushed red with embarrassment and out of all the potential victims around him, he decided to take it on the smug looking blonde who teasingly smiled back at him as if he had won a prize, namely, Zoro's utter embarrassment and humiliation. God, he didn't even know the guy and he already hated him.

If he had known him better, though, he might have registered his smile as what it actually was: a low-key apologizing one. Sanji had said the word in passing, not really thinking it through, it's not like he had expected the whole group to act like three-year old kids founding a running joke on Zoro. It wasn't a secret he was rather amused at his own wit, but Sanji wasn't exactly the type to drag crowds into his own teasing game, mainly because he thought it wasn't completely fair on his victim of choice. He might have gotten a chance to _actually_ apologize if Zoro hadn't snapped at him.

"You!" he snarled, finally crossing the small distance between them, personal space and manners be damned! His hand curled in the blonde's ironed shirt and aggressivelly pulled him until their faces were almost touching, sending him the deadliest death glare he could muster.

"Oi!" Sanji protested with a sneer, getting a grasp of Zoro's wrist with surprising strength, incoming apology vanishing from his list of priorities. "You're messing my shirt, moss-head! I don't want goddamn moss growing in my clothes, so back away... _marimo_!" Sanji's snarl slowly turned into a smirk when the 'marimo' word slipped past his lips. Then there was a face-splitting smug grin Zoro was tempted to erase with a punch. Nah, he was definitely bad at the whole apologizing thing. For that to work he would have to stop finding himself and his own jokes funny, and Zoro should be standing a few feet away instead of destroying his shirt while emanating aggressiveness, which Sanji reacted badly to no matter how hard he tried to tone it down.

It wasn't completely his fault, to be honest. He had been the one to pick on Zoro's hair first, that being the first thing coming out of his mouth when he met him, but Sanji had been recuperating from an almost-mental breakdown and God knows Sanji was harsh on a normal basis, let alone if he'd just had his nerves fried; in those circumstances his friends knew better than to expect any filter keeping his frenetic line of thought in check. Commenting on his tie had been a must, that didn't come out of being an asshole, it was a completely justified demand given how much of an aberration the article of clothing was, even though he could have phrased it in a more polite way, or maybe not phrase it at all. And questioning his escalade had been the least he could have done, what the hell, _who_ does that? Sanji could hardly be blamed if he had instantly grown suspicious and assumed Zoro was sneaking in to mess with the exhibition or something worse, someone else might have freaked out worse than he had and called the guards; in hindsight, Sanji had been quite lenient. It wouldn't have gone further than that once Zoro had proved he could indeed be in there, Sanji may have apologized for his harsh treatment, even though he probably wouldn't have skipped his open amusement at the man missing the front doors. But that piece of moss had had to go and pick on _his brows_ , which had been his curse during primary school (kids are cruel and unforgiving, Sanji knew that first-hand), and that had pushed all the wrong buttons. After that the jibes had flown out in stride without him having the mind to stop them; it was the way he had learned to react to that, and he'd have a hard time trying to erase that natural response if he tried.

Zoro didn't know any of that, of course, so he could hardly blame him for feeling offended and assuming he was an asshole who needed equal treatment, that was a given, but the more he came back at him pointing at his eyebrows, the more Sanji's inventive raised along with his anger, not to mention Sanji enjoyed a challenge and Zoro was clearly seeking for one under his own façade of outrage; the cook could recognize that particular glint behind his steely eyes.

"Shut it, curly-brow!" he barked, already feeling a vein in his forehead ready to pop.

" _You_ shut it, bastard! Let go! I never even touched you! Ever heard of personal space?!"

Zoro clashed his forehead against Sanji's as if to illustrate him about how much he cared. Man, Sanji did react bad to aggressiveness; forget about feeling sorry or trying to tone it down.

"That fucking hurt, you mannerless Neardenthal!"

"St-Stop it... You're drawing attention..." Ussop tried beside them with sweat crowding in his face as he frantically looked from one side to the other, but he went completely ignored.

"You deserved it, dart-brow!"

"Moss for brains, that's what you have! No use in trying to talk sense into you!"

"Well, if your brain is as curly as your brow you're beyond repair as well!"

Luffy bursted out laughing right into their ears, almost deafening them and definitely drawing their attention back to him even if they didn't let go of each other. They both scowled at the raven haired boy, pissed that there were tears in Luffy's contorted face, not getting what was so funny about the situation.

" _What!_ " they barked in unison. Then looked at each other with killing intent, their necks snapping in the process.

"Don't copy me, bastard!"

"Get your facts straight, marimo, _you_ copied me!"

"Oh my, are they three or what?" Nami growled, slapping a hand against her forehead, trying to disuade anyone who was looking at them from thinking that she was willingly part of that group of idiots.

"I told you, Nami, didn't I?" Luffy beamed when he managed to canalize his breath so that he didn't choke and die in the process, which he had been very close to. He let out another happy laugh, patting both Zoro and Sanji in the shoulder with a satisfied grin. "I'm glad you're already best friends!"

Zoro and Sanji stared unblinkingly at Luffy first, then at each other and back at Luffy.

" _The fuck_ ," Sanji deadpanned.

The sound of the annoying blonde's voice echoed in Zoro's ears and reminded him he had to react, but Sanji was faster and he snapped out if it before Zoro could.

"Friends with _him_?!" Sanji screeched as he shoved Zoro away for the sole purpose of having enough space to dramatically point a finger at his nose with an insulted disbelieving expression. Zoro had the urge to bite it off. "Come on, Luffy! How am I supposed to be friends with _a ball of moss_!"

"You're a fucking asshole, you know that!" Zoro barked back, doing his best to restrain himself and not kill the blonde right there and then.

Sanji's smug smirk told him that he had gotten exactly the reaction he wanted, making Zoro curse himsef and wondering if the blonde had purposefully been sent to his life in order to piss him off. Because that seemed to be Sanji's only goal and he was damn good at it.

"Sorry if I hurt your sensitivity there, marimo, didn't know moss could talk, let alone have feelings. I'm still recovering from shock, my apologies if I was harsh," he said with a mocking half-reverence. There went his apology. Not exactly how he had initially planned it and not necessarily meaning it _now_ that Zoro had joined his little game and had riled him up in return choosing his eyebrows as his reiterate victim, but the words were out there and his conscience was clean.

Zoro's hand darted away to slap him in the back of his head as he bowed, but Sanji seemed to be expecting it and backed away just in time with a teasing smirk.

What the fuck. Did the blonde enjoy it or something? Well, it's not like Zoro could judge; he was honestly pissed at the blonde and he was positive he hated him for life, but he would have certainly been laughing at Sanji's wild imagination and insults if they hadn't been directed at him. And it kind of felt like... battling. A refreshing kind of fight, almost. Most definitely _challenging_. Even though he was pathetically losing this one, apparently still processing Sanji's sharp tongue and antagonistic attitude towards him. Not many held his murderous gaze and retorted with the sole purpose of riling him up even more, and the blonde hadn't as much as flinched yet. Maybe that's why he hadn't yet caught up with Sanji's bickering pace, it wasn't what he was used to. He decided to give it a try though, he needed to nurse his pride after all. And he would be lying if he tried to swear he wasn't having the slightest bit of fun, even when it came hand in hand with growing pissed off by the moment.

"Fuck you, dart brow" he spat. Well, decidedly not a witty cool come back as he had hoped he would make. At this rhythm Sanji would give him a run for his money, and Zoro couldn't have that. He groaned in frustration, trying to come up with something as original and insulting as the blonde's taunts. He urgently needed to land a creative hit if he wanted his pride unshattered by the end of the evening. Nothing came. Damn, how did the blonde do it?!

"See? Best buddies!" Luffy concluded, laughing again. A quick glance around them showed him a chuckling Usopp and Kaya, an exasperated Nami, a smug Franky – damn him-, and a know-it-all smile plastered in Robin's lips. Damn them all.

"We're not!" Sanji retorted, glaring at Luffy as if he had personally insulted his mother.

But Zoro knew better than to argue. If Luffy decided they were best friends, he'd be stuck with Sanji often in the future, as many times as Luffy decided to throw parties and gather the crew, because them 'being friends' meant they were in the same crew as far as Luffy was concerned; which meant him forcing them to come and spend time together want it or not. He sighed in resignation at the mental glimpse at his future. Damn Luffy and his deciding-who's-friends-with-who antics. Couldn't he read the damn mood? And he still had to come up with a witty retort to make the blonde fall on his ass. He hadn't stopped trying to think of one.

"I seriously need a drink," he groaned in resignation and slight despair.

"Wait, wait, wait, let me correct you, here," Sanji retorted in a patronizing tone while turning to him with a raised finger in front of his face. " _Humans_ need a drink. What your species need is called watering. _Watering_. Ring a bell? You should learn the difference, my young tulip field wannabe, your survival depends on it."

At this point Zoro could only gawk at the grinning blonde. Seriously? _Seriously_? _Young tulip field wannabe?_ Now, either the blonde was nuts or... Not that many possibilities left, were there? He almost laughed. Almost. At the last moment, for the sake of his dignity, he managed to change the course of his laughing burst into a furious incredulous yell. "What the fuck!"

Damn, he wanted to laugh.

Sanji did it for him, genuinely amused at Zoro's dumbfounded face. Ah, wasn't he witty. Poor bastard's face was a poem. Sanji _almost_ felt bad, but damn, it was fun, and he somehow knew he could get a better reaction out of the other man if he just pressed the right buttons. Why he had the imperious need to do so and piss him off when he had just met him, he didn't know, but Zoro had been coming back at him with bite, so it's not like he was playing alone, else he wouldn't have engaged into this at all; he wasn't a bad man who enjoyed ridiculing innocent people. It was another story when the other did his best to ridicule him back, though. A challenge had been set, he could feel it in his veins.

A middle finger appeared in front of his nose and he faced a glare that promised a painful, slow, dreadful death. Sanji couldn't help but smirk.

"Come on, that's lame! I bet you can do better!" he taunted. He didn't even know why teasing him was so much fun, he just knew it was helping him get rid of all of the tension he had just gone through. And, damn, he couldn't stop himself now. He swore he had tried. At the beginning. Kind of.

Zoro was about to punch him. Seriously punching him, not bluff-punching him. The blonde was being too cocky for his own good. The only thing stopping him was the certainty that it would actually be a crime to the world to break his attractive face. Fuck, that _was_ lame. So, instead, he snarled and kept his face inches away from Sanji's in a show of physical self-restraint and intimidation while going all out with the deadly glares, since his brain didn't seem to come up with anything good to verbally counterattack with.

"Luffy, get his idiotic ugly mug out of my sight or I'm seriously gonna murder your friend, and I wouldn't want to be held responsible for that," he warned with a deep growl.

Sanji raised an amused eyebrow at the seriousness of his threat. Interesting. He felt his insides ignite with a flash of fight as his grin grew positively predatory.

"Okay, okay, stop it you two, you're causing a scene," Franky pushed them separate ways with a bored gesture, rolling his eyes and throwing a warning glare at Zoro. He knew the green haired man had quite a bad temper when provoked but he had never seen him lose it _that_ fast, and he had been intent on provoking back like his life depended on it, which wasn't his style at all. If he had an actual problem with someone, he either ignored them or straight out punched them. This was new. Zoro didn't do 'new', he was a man of traditions. Which made Franky want to let out an amused smile and worry at the same time. He settled for neutral peace-keeper ground. They were gathering attention and he wasn't letting them ruin Robin's night.

"The fuck, Franky! He started it, he's been an asshole since second one!" Zoro exclaimed with a betrayed look as he pointed at a smirking blonde. Damn, the more the blonde smirked the more he wanted to wipe the expression off his face. Not that it didn't look good on him. Fuck, stop those thoughts. "Stop fucking making that face if you don't want me to kill you!" he snapped, ignoring Franky's glare and whatever the blue haired man was about to say.

With that he only earned an expanded version of the blonde's former expression.

Sanji lightly scolded himself for pushing it. He didn't know what had gotten into him, he wasn't usually like this; not to this extent, at least not with complete strangers. But, then again, nobody had ever stood their ground like Zoro was doing. Not very smart or eloquent retorts, true; when it came to a verbal onslaught Sanji was pretty sure he had the upper hand, but his attitude towards his taunts was screaming for a fight, defying and fierce, not necessarily in an exclusively vengeful way. Confident that he could beat Sanji's ass any moment. Which he couldn't, of fucking course. But it still stirred him up and made him want to poke at his pride some more, see what he could really get out of that man. He suspected there was a lot more hidden under the roots of moss implanted in his head than met the eye. Everything in Zoro screamed fight and challenge. And, oh, didn't Sanji love those words and what they carried with them.

"Enough is enough, you morons!"

Both men shut their mouths and swallowed whatever they were going to yell at each other when Nami's fists connected with their heads a little too roughly.

"I'm starting to think that not having you introduced was a good thing," she growled, embarrassed and annoyed at the scene. Robin chuckled by her side, visibly amused and not having a care in the world about the image they were giving despite it being an important night for her. She appreciated a good show.

Zoro glared at the dark-haired woman with confusion in his face. There was something she found really amusing about the situation, he could read it in her eyes, but it wasn't the kind of thing that was currently amusing Luffy. He had the feeling that he didn't want to know. He still eyed her suspiciously. After knowing the woman for so many years she still could be a puzzle when she wanted to, and the most annoying part was the fact that she seemed to know things before anyone else did. That's the kind of look she was giving him now. She knew something he didn't. And that annoyed Zoro to no end.

His thoughts were disturbed by Sanji's mating call as he reassured Nami that he'd behave in between a streak of compliments and utter idiocy put down in words. Zoro looked at the embarrassing idiot in disbelief, growing annoyed by the moment. Well, now he knew two things: the bastard was an utter idiot. And the utter idiot was _utterly straight_ if the way he was staring at Nami's bust was anything to go by. Zoro grunted, his eye slightly twitching in bubbling and growing annoyance.

"You're an idiot," he flatly stated.

"What was that, moss head?!"

"I said stop it, damn it!" Nami sneered, threatening them with her fists.

Luffy was cackling by their side, finding the situation particularly hilarious as he kept pointing at them both. Sanji swore the guy had some kind of misplaced fundamental brain cell, but he was starting to get used to Luffy's antics by now.

"This is starting to be stupid," Usopp grunted as he rolled his eyes, Kaya rubbing soothing circles in his arm while containing a chuckle. Their group was already eccentric, put those two in the equation sharing the same space and he didn't even want to know. He resignedly assumed his peaceful days were over.

"Shut it, long-nose!"

Usopp deadpanned at the two idiots bursting at the same time and giving him the same threatening glare only to realize they had mirrored each other and going back to glower daggers at the other. This time they had the decency to keep their mouth shut, probably in hopes of avoiding another of Nami's outbursts. Not that they needed words, their glares quite sent the message.

"As much as I'm enjoying myself here, I should get going, we are going to officially open the Egytian wing in a few minutes and I have to be there," Robin intervened with a soothing tone that managed to hide her amusement, much to Zoro's annoyance. He honestly didn't get what was so funny about the situation. Some part of him feared that she was internally laughing at their idiocy.

"Okay, love, see you later," Sanji waved as he switched gears again to become a charming gentleman with the brightest smile in the room when talking to her.

Zoro raised an eyebrow and vaguely wondered what was about the blonde's attitude that managed to annoy him to such a fundamental level, no matter what he did. He had a feeling that, even if Sanji had started out politely, they would have ended up in the same situation they were in now. He felt the urge to inform him of the fact that he was an idiot again, in case he had forgoten, but forced himself to shut his mouth since it would be completely out of place and he didn't need to embarrass himself even more. The blonde was doing a pretty nice job of it, he didn't need Zoro to give him a hand.

Robin waved a 'see you all later' and left after flashing an unreadable smile to Zoro, who frowned in distaste. He didn't need Robin's attitude either, it put him on edge. He was starting to think that maybe jumping out of the car when he had gotten a chance would have been a brilliant idea. Not only did he hate events like this, but an idiotic and annoying-as-hell blonde had had to be introduced into his life without asking for permission. Zoro decided he'd ignore him. That would do the trick. Ignore the hot stupid blonde and his taunts, it didn't matter if Luffy had decided they'd be friends, it didn't matter if they were forced to share the same space and company in the future, just ignore him and everything would be fine.

It would be a really convincing speech if he wasn't currently getting riled up by a taunting smirk Sanji had just pulled his way. The blonde wasn't looking at him anymore but Zoro kept glaring a hole in his head, knowing full well that the smirk was a kind of 'deal with me, bastard' one, a non-verbal provocation that nobody else noticed. The bastard knew how to play that game and own it. Zoro had to remind himself of his resolution to ignore him in order to restrain a bitting remark that would have only given Sanji what he wanted. Dammit, the blonde knew how to get under his skin. Asshole.

"I think we should head this way if we want to get a good spot to see Robin," Nami suggested, getting a hold of Luffy's shoulder so that her boyfriend wouldn't get away while looking for meat, since he had started whining about it again, and that only meant 'hunt-the-meat-down' time if they didn't distract him. Never mind if there was no real meat around.

"Good idea, let's get going," Usopp nodded as he took Kaya's hand on one of his and grabbed Sanji by the collar with the other just in case the cook decided that starting another fight with Zoro was a good idea. Sanji bitched about being manhandled but other than that he followed suit and started a kind conversation with Kaya. He knew what his place was, he wasn't going to pull the strings further than he knew how to without breaking them.

Zoro scowled. Not only was the blonde a good player, he was a smart one as well. Damn him. What had he done in a past life to deserve this bastard in his current one? He had never met anyone with the ability to annoy him as much as the blond did. He had only spent minutes with him but it already felt like enough of a punishment for a life full of crimes. And now they were bound to meet often if it had anything to do with Luffy deciding, and it would.

The thought occurred, though, that they had close friends in common and yet they hadn't met until that night, so maybe they just had incompatible working hours or some shit like that that had prevented them from running into each other when their friends met. Zoro held onto that hope with everything he had; maybe he wouldn't have to see the blonde again if he was careful enough. It wasn't as if Luffy wasn't easy to fool. He could just tell him he had work to do if the idiot raven boy happened to have the brilliant idea of organizing a meeting with them both invited.

With that thought in mind he felt considerably relieved and capable of actually ignoring the blonde.

He decided not to ask himself why he had to take such drastic measures with some stranger he had just met for a few minutes. The answer was that the bastard knew how to get under his skin without even knowing him, and that was something Zoro wasn't comfortable with. He had never felt such an antagonistic attitude against someone and yet some part of him didn't totally dislike it. That's why it was better not to ask. Don't ask, don't find weird answers you don't like to hear. Believing that Sanji was an asshole was much more convenient than feeling like the bastard was a good match and a potential good challenge. He knew himself well enough to be wary of how much a challenge attracted him, and Sanji could very well be one, hell he _was_ one; he didn't need to spend more than a minute with him to know it, it was just a gut feeling he trusted. That's why he forced himself to get him out of his thoughts that night and hopefully never see him again. It wouldn't do to get attracted to a challenge that got on his nerves and was a total prick on top of being someone from Luffy's group of friends. It would only earn him a headache and he didn't need one, thank you very much.

A little evil voice inside his brain told him that if he needed that much convincing himself, he wasn't exactly going to succeed. To which he answered with a stronger determination to ignore him. Not even a glance. Such a shame that he was currently oggling said bastard's back. Just in case he happened to see any sign of the blonde trying to tease him again and be prepared for a come back, he swore.

Zoro sighed and followed the others, already feeling the migraine building up. The asshole blonde had managed to get him in a bad competitive mood, the kind that drew out his scowliest scowl and made his eyebrow twitch.

Luffy suddenly startled him when he plopped by his side out of nowhere. He had gotten ahead of Nami unharmed and was now titling his head to take a good look at Zoro.

"Did you know Sanji practices sabate?" he asked with his most innocent tone and expression.

Zoro felt his eye twitch along with his eyebrow and forced himself not to waste a glance on Luffy. "Really," he grunted, his facial expression screaming 'not interested'. He was also trying to send Luffy the message to fuck off but, as was foreseeable, the younger man didn't get it and kept babbling.

"Well, it's not exactly sabate, it's kind of similar though. It's a really unique style, I've never seen anyone using it aside of him. Except for his father, the old man can kick!"

Zoro didn't even bother answering. He had promised himself to ignore the blonde and that inculded ignoring whatever Luffy or the others had to say about him. He'd be a terrible liar if he tried to say out loud that the information hadn't picked his interest, though. So the bastard _could_ fight. He had somehow expected it, Sanji held the vibe of a fighter, no surprises there.

"He's actually very good, you know. He's kicked my ass a few times and it hurts as hell," Luffy continued with a pout while apparently remembering the painful experience. That made Zoro send him a quick glance before returning his attention to following the others. Kick Luffy's ass? For real?

"You must be really out of shape if some scrawny bastard can kick your ass that easily," he retorted, raising a disbelieving eyebrow at nothing in particular.

"No, no! I was going all out, I swear, but damn, he _can_ fight, you have to be careful when you try to steal food from him, it really can cost you a few ribs!" Luffy replied with wide eyes and gesturing as if he was giving Zoro a lecture. Zoro would have laughed at Luffy's antics if that bit of information hadn't unsettled him. Someone capable of properly putting up a fight against Luffy and actually landing some damage _had_ to be good.

"You shouldn't steal food to start with," Zoro grunted with a scowl, trying to divert the subject.

"It's not like you don't go around stealing booze," Luffy pointed out with a no-shit expression at the same time Zoro managed to snatch a glass of champagne out of the hands of a waiter only to down it in one go. If Luffy was going to be an insufferable idiot about Sanji and his need to befriend him, he'd need all the booze in the world not to yell at the poor guy that he wasn't interested.

Luffy shut up for a moment, seemingly considering something. Zoro had the feeling that he didn't want to hear it but, as much as he wished he didn't, Luffy finally opened his big mouth with an annoying brilliant expression.

"You know, last time I asked, Sanji told me he needed a good sparring partner, if you'd be interested."

"Why don't you do it yourself if you are so fond of blondie? I'm sure you'd have fun," Zoro growled, hoping Luffy would get the hint and leave him alone. He didn't.

"Nah, we've tried, but it doesn't really work. We've teamed up sometimes and we're a pretty good team but when it comes to fighting each other it just doesn't cut it. And I don't like sparring that much, that's more like Sanji's thing. But he doesn't seem to find a good match," Luffy explained, a thoughtful expression dancing in his face.

"So you thought I'd be ideal for his sparring sessions," Zoro offered with a blank look.

"Basically."

"Well, then, you're wrong."

"Oh, come on, why? You'd have fun, he truly is a good challenge and you _love_ challenges!" Luffy whined, seeing his plan of magically making the duo best friends in a blink of an eye crumbling.

Yes, Luffy, he loved challenges, thank you very much for reminding him, he didn't need that right now when his main goal was to ignore the _particular_ blonde challenge.

Zoro let out a long annoyed sigh, finally fixing Luffy with a glare.

"Luffy, I won't be friends with him so, really, don't waste your breath. It's not working."

"Why wouldn't you want to be friends with him? He's a great guy!" Luffy complained with a mix of a scowl and a pout.

"Because I don't like him," Zoro blurted matter-of-factly, trying to convey his words with his eyes bored in Luffy's, hoping the message would get through.

Luffy snorted, suddenly looking amused, and damn, the moment Luffy went on smartass mode was the moment Zoro knew he'd say something equalling a punch in the face. He did.

"And here I thought Usopp was a bad liar."

Zoro blinked at him, confusion written all over his face. _What?_

And then Luffy left to pester someone else, whistling on his way with his hands crossed on the back of his head, casually walking as if nothing had ever happened.

Zoro found himself frowning furiously, but at some point he realized he wasn't frowning at Luffy's retreating back but at Sanji's. The blond was currently chatting with Nami, a kind charming expression on his face as he laughed at something she had just said. Zoro's scowl deepened. That kind of face should be illegal. Period. And it definitely shouldn't belong to an asshole like the blonde. Because it confused the fuck out of Zoro, that's what that blonde had managed to do in less than fifteen minutes while looking fantastically in control of the situation. That bastard. So much for ignoring him.

He had the sudden urge to insult him in order to get his attention and start a fight, but some mature remnants inside his very adult self told him it wasn't a good idea. That didn't stop him from wondering how a physical fight with him would be like. Would Sanji be as quick and smart about it as he was when speaking?

Zoro groaned. And why was he even wondering? It annoyed the hell out of him that the blonde had managed to catch his attention like that. The bastard had barely needed _minutes_ to get it. What the hell, he had completely and legitimately earned it with his first line. Who the fuck goes for 'the fuck's with the moss growing on your head?!' as the first thing to say to a stranger? The blonde was begging for a fight from second one. Maybe that's what had Zoro so riled up and unable to control his wandering thoughts, and maybe that's why he was currently sending furious glares at Sanji's sweet smile directed at Nami, oblivious to the turmoil in Zoro's brain.

At some point they managed to find a way in between the crowd so that they'd get a spot nearby the entrance of the Egyptian wing, where people were crowding. A long red tape was hanging from side to side of the door, waiting to be officially cut. Low music kept playing in the background, classic and laid back, probably through loud speakers and not out of musicians playing live.

Zoro noticed Sanji looking around with a bit of a nervous tick and couldn't help but wonder what was wrong. Maybe he was looking for someone and couldn't find them? But it was more like the bad type of nervousness he sensed. Pretty well masked to his credit, but being an experienced fighter there was no way Zoro would miss it. Zoro quirked an eyebrow. What did it matter anyways?

His attention switched when Robin made her entrance along with some of the museum's headboard members, all dressed smart and walking proud and confident. Zoro scowled. Robin didn't belong in that picture. At all. It wasn't as if she wasn't the most sophisticated woman in the room without the need of trying, but she just wasn't like the people currently surrounding her. Aside from two or three decent looking ones who didn't look at the crowd as if they were expecting their shoes to be licked clean, the rest sported the kind of haughty expression Zoro usually felt the need to wipe off people's faces with a punch. He could already picture how many of them would claim the new Egyptian acquisitions had been their achievment instead of Robin's when they had just sat back and let her work her magic, probably having nothing else to do but picking their noses. That's why Zoro absolutely despised these kind of events, where rich people from around the city gathered. Fake smiles and arrogant stares, constantly checking the other guests to make sure no one was better than them. Frankly speaking, Zoro hated this kind of people and wanted nothing to do with them if he could avoid it. It's just the fact that it was Robin's night that was keeping him there.

It would have been bearable if a new figure hadn't appeared right then. With his confident powerful stance, Mayor Crocodile made his way out of a group of bulky well-dressed important men to take Robin's hand in his with his trade-mark smile. The one that made Zoro restrain unpleasant shivers down his spine everytime he saw it on TV. Seeing it live didn't make it any better but rather worse. There was something so very wrong about that man. Something aside of the country's system he represented in that city as its Mayor, that is. To Zoro, whoever led their system was scum, to be frank. A system that claimed to do everything to protect the freedom and security of those who deserved it while taking it away. Zoro felt something boiling in his stomach but swallowed it down as he tried not to glare at Crocodile. He didn't exactly need to be wary around the man, there was nothing he was doing wrong at the moment and anyways his job gave him a plus of credibility that played in his favour when needed. He didn't need to worry because he was totally invisible to all those important people, especially to the Mayor, and he knew it. Just like the rest of the crowd gathered there. But he still felt something unsettling inside; that man had the power of making the ones around him profoundly uncomfortable, that he was sure of.

He watched intently as Crocodile exchanged some words with Robin and the headboard, all but being flashed with cameras picturing the moment from the corners of the hall. He wasn't really listening, though. Whatever Crocodile went to say next as he directed the crowd and started an official opening speech went unnoticed as something clicked inside Zoro's brain.

Luffy and Crocodile were in the same room!

His gaze snapped to his sides in the look out for Luffy, a little bit more frantically than he would have liked. It was no news that Luffy hated Crocodile's guts and everything he represented, and it was no secret that he acted on impulse more often than not. Whenever situations like this happened there had to be someone by Luffy's side trying to get the idea of punching some important person's face in off his head unless he wanted to become a fugitive in the process, that if he wasn't shot down. To his credit, Luffy had never done anything of the kind publicly but it wasn't as if he hadn't been really tempted and about to do it a few times. Merely speaking badly of the wrong person could lead to awful consequences, and Luffy was more than liberal with that. If he didn't like someone he said it, no filter whatsoever. More than once Luffy had found himself with a hand physically clamped against his mouth to shut him up and prevent him from putting himself in serious trouble.

Zoro felt sweat break through his spine, feeling suddenly nervous. He didn't exactly fear Luffy leaping out of his spot in order to beat Crocodile, he knew better than that, but nobody could really reassure him that he wasn't going to blurt something stupid near him.

When he finally spot the familiar raven hair he stopped in his tracks since somebody had been faster than him.

Nami was soothingly holding Luffy's arm as if nothing was amiss. On his other side there was Sanji. His stance was apparently casual but it didn't take more than a second for Zoro to register his hand strongly squeezing Luffy's nape, willing the other to relax with a more than likely painful grip. A little longer glance told Zoro that by grabbing Luffy like this, Sanji was also getting rid of his own tension. Which was huge, Zoro realized.

What was up with Sanji? Why was he suddenly so wary?

He followed his gaze and fell on Crocodile. Did the man really unsettle the blonde that much? Well, he unsettled pretty much everybody he knew just by appearing on TV, but Sanji's jaw was trying far too hard not to clench and his hand was gripping Luffy's nape with too much strenght for it to simply be a calming gesture to the other. Something was off.

Zoro frowned in confusion, telling himself his sudden alert was due to his job taking a toll on him in every other aspect of his life, which he knew was a thing he had to tone down, but that didn't prevent the inevitable question from popping in his head.

 _What was Sanji doing that he shouldn't be doing?_

His gaze promptly fell on Luffy, wondering if the younger man had anything to do with it. Was Sanji part of Luffy's undercover scheming? But it's not like everyone Luffy knew had to be involved, was it? Zoro frowned; he was going overboard with this, he had long ago acknowledged that he was something close to paranoid.

A round of applause distracted him again and when he looked back to the entrance of the Egyptian wing, the red tape was cut and Crocodile smiled at the cameras with the air of someone who controls the world. Which he was pretty capable of doing, Zoro was sure, wasn't Doflamingo the one to wave the magic wand in that country.

After that he felt the crowd pushing him along as everybody entered the wing with loud chattering and exagerated compliments. Usopp caught him by his upper arm and dragged him with the rest, knowing there was a high chance for Zoro to get lost even when hundreds of people were heading one same way. Zoro registered scowling at him and complaining, but aside from that he let himself be led.

When he located Luffy again he made his way towards him. He had a question to ask and he better answer. Ugh, he couldn't really help it, could he? He was a mess; his job shouldn't interfere with his personal life that much. Despite knowing it, he _had_ to ask.

But his plans saw no light when the raven haired boy started jumping around like a kid on Christmas day the moment he spotted the mummies and the sarcophagus, Nami hot on his heels to stop him from breaking anything. Zoro rolled his eyes and groaned in frustration, helplessly sending a look Sanji's way. He was currently commenting some weird relic with Franky, who was loudly boasting about Robin's achievement with pride. He almost smiled at the sight. Almost. There was currently something else wandering in his head and killing him with curiosity.

Zoro detached himself from Usopp's hold and tried to approach Luffy again, to no avail, which only made his scowl deeper.

"Doesn't look like you're very intersested in what's exhibited?"

Zoro spinned around to face a smiling Robin, guilt written all over his face. To be honest, he hadn't paid the slightest amount of attention at 'Robin's babies', as Franky liked to call them.

"Uh..." was his very eloquent response.

Robin chuckled. "Don't worry about it, I figured you wouldn't be interested. Thank you for coming, anyway." Then she handed him a glass of wine for him to down in one go.

"Thanks. I think I needed it," Zoro gratefully grunted as he handed the now empty glass to a passing waiter.

"You definitely did. What's wrong?" she asked, her enigmatic know-it-all look in place.

Zoro shuddered. He didn't like it when Robin looked at him as if she could read his mind.

"Uh... Nothing really. This is just not my place, I don't feel comfortable here. See those fake smiles over there?" he discretely pointed to a group of people at their left, much to Robin's amusement. "Make me wanna throw up."

It was hardly a lie, it was exactly how he felt, it's just that he wasn't completely answering Robin's question by omitting certain details. Like the fact that the blonde's overall attitude put him on edge and awakened his most primal curiosity and fighting spirit. The little detail that the guy was hot as fuck didn't exactly help his oggling case. To be fair, he had always been more on the women's side of the boat so to speak, but that didn't mean he couldn't appreciate a good view when he spotted one. And the bastard blonde _did_ have a face sculpted by angels, at the very least. Zoro scowled in distaste. Such an asshole didn't deserve that face, that much he was sure of.

When he looked back at Robin she was giving him that small annoying smile that told him she knew something he didn't.

"I have to agree with you, but let me reformulate the question. What's wrong _with Sanji_?"

Zoro gulped. Damn her and her brain-reading magical powers.

"You mean in his head? You better not get me started, the list could already be infinite and I haven't known him for more than an hour. I don't even know how you are all friends with him. He's a prick," Zoro retorted defensively.

Robin chuckled and Zoro glared at her in response.

"He caught your attention," she simply stated.

"Not in the least," Zoro antagonized.

"Well, he did call you 'young tulip field wannabe', if his originality doesn't catch your attention I don't know what does," Robin reminded him with an amused smirk.

"The guy has issues," Zoro growled, rolling his eyes.

"So do you."

"Whatever, are we done with this conversation? I'm kind of getting bored of it."

But the answer was obviously 'no' as Robin titled her head to get a better view of Zoro's escaping eyes, all but enjoying the cornering game she was playing. It would have been entertaining to watch from a third person's point of view if Zoro hadn't been the prey.

"What were you trying to ask Luffy?" she asked with a gentler tone this time. Then it changed to smug. "Something about Sanji, I figure."

Zoro snarled and stepped back a little so as to regain some of the personal space he'd been stolen by the woman.

"Not really."

Robin smiled wider. "That's a yes."

"Would you stop?!"

"No need to get all defensive, I'm just offering a quicker answer to whatever your question is."

Zoro sent her a suspicious glare, knowing there was something she was gaining in exchange that he probably didn't want to give. He couldn't picture what, though.

"Zoro, I don't have all night, but I'm still offering my help, so I'd appreciate it if you'd hurry," Robin pressed, her expression not giving anything away except for the fact that she was having fun while bugging him.

Zoro finally sighed, curiosity taking the best of him as he shrugged and shot.

"Is Sanji involved?"

Robin's eyes widened a little in surprise but her expression didn't bug.

"No, I believe he's currently single."

Zoro frowned at the answer, not getting what it had to do with-wait, wait, _wait_!

"That's not what I meant, for fuck's sake!" he hissed as he went all shades of red, _mostly_ out of anger at Robin's well displayed tricks.

"Oh, really?" she asked, all innocence and obliviousness. Damn her.

"Of fucking course not! You're evil, woman! Stop playing games!"

Robin chuckled and shrugged, thoroughly amused by the whole situation and Zoro's embarrassment. Especially Zoro's embarrassment. He hardly got embarrassed, but when he did it was priceless and it completely gave away whatever he was trying to deny.

"Then what would you mean?"

Zoro was very tempted to just drop the subject and try with Luffy when he managed to snatch his attention, but he feared the boy would come up with a stupider answer than Robin, so he made an effort to calm down his growing annoyance and reformulate his question without being obvious, because you couldn't just go discussing this kind of things in public, not with the consequences it entailed.

"I meant," he started, glaring at Robin so that she'd shut the fuck up in case she had another brilliant retort to tease him with. "If he is _in_."

Robin's expression changed then to cautious and forcedly casual, aware of the fact that the topic had become dangerous. It's not as if she hadn't expected Zoro asking something like that, just not this early. Robin squinted her eyes disaprovingly at Zoro's carelessness for bringing this up in a place full of wrong potential eavesdroppers.

"'In' as in ' _in_ '?" she murmured, making sure they both knew what they were talking about.

Zoro nodded, suddenly feeling wary of his surroundings. The words they spoke didn't exactly give anything away but one could never be careful enough.

Robin gave him a hard stare.

"You should go ask him yourself," she answered matter-of-factly. "You know you shouldn't go asking third parties about other people's private business, much less when it comes to this, you should know better than that."

Zoro snorted. He knew that was true, and he knew he was being scolded for a reason, but still, curiosity was killing him. "Yeah, 'cause if I asked he'd just tell me with a charming smile."

"You haven't tried."

"Nor will I."

Robin slightly scowled at him, an unusual gesture coming from her, which meant she didn't approve of Zoro's actions. Nor would Zoro if he had been in his whole right mind.

"Well, you do what you want, but don't go asking Luffy, he'll give you the same answer I have and will probably get angrier than I have."

Zoro deeply frowned at her as she left him standing there and headed somewhere else in order to talk to important men and women she needed to charm. Zoro was left to his own devices as he mulled over the idea of Sanji being involved in Robin's and Luffy's illegal escapades. He startled when a gentle hand touched his shoulder and when he turned he confusedly faced a smiling Robin.

"What, now. Thought you had to go."

"Just felt the need to remind you that he _is_ single," she answered, and left as fast as she had come back.

Zoro was left staring at her back like an idiot, his mind currently blank and recovering from Robin's dirty tricks. The woman had too much fun messing with other people's heads, he swore. It was starting to creep him out.

When left alone, his gaze went back to looking for blonde hair. This time Sanji was chatting with Usopp, huge grin in place. Zoro raised an eyebrow. He almost looked carefree but he knew better. The slight tension in his shoulders gave him away. He felt threatened in that place.

That and the fact that Robin had plainly avoided answering his question gave him the only answer he needed. Sanji was deep in the same shit Robin and Luffy were. He didn't know up to what extent he was involved but he was in somehow and _definitely_ doing something he legally shouldn't.

Zoro groaned for good measure. Being part of the Special Unit number 13, he couldn't just ignore it, he'd been trained to do otherwise. Having friends who acted outside the law's protection when your job is to hunt down criminals can be stressing sometimes. Not to say _all the time_. Helping them out when you should be doing the contrary can be lethal if you're not careful. He didn't need another problem to the complicated equation that was his life, thank you very much, and Sanji was promising to be one. What he didn't know was if he'd be able to overlook what he did just as he did with Luffy and the rest. Would he be like them or was he doing things that went against Zoro's morals? Because if that was the case he just couldn't overlook it, no matter how hard he tried; Zoro had long ago drawn a line and Luffy's team knew not to cross it if they didn't want Zoro as a decided enemy.

Zoro frowned. What exactly was the blonde's role in the whole underground ordeal? He sighed in resignation. If he was Luffy's friend he couldn't be that bad, could he? There were lots of people who were unhappy with the system, himself included; it wasn't _that_ weird to see someone lending a hand to the cause, and most of the times it was even justified from a moral point of view.

Damn, he needed a drink. A strong one, not the shit they gave him there. Why was it that trouble seemed to always know its way to his front door? There was a reason he tried to keep himself out of this shit even if he did his part from a faraway standpoint.

Agh, fuck. He knew he shouldn't have come here in the first place.

But even more than a drink, much to his dismay, he _needed_ to figure the blonde out; and now he had a whole list of valid reasons justifying it.

 **TBC**


	5. Chapter 4 - Mister 3

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 **Chapter 4**

 **Mister 3**

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The afterparty was held in a famous restaurant nearby with huge gardens around and a few canopies outside. Most of the people invited to the Egyptian Wing opening weren't guests to this particular after-event, since it was mainly thought for friends and other people close to the directors and workers of the museum to enjoy some relaxing time together without the need to keep manners or appearances in front of the cameras or equally intimidating public figures. The headboard of the museum were still there batting their feathers, but at least the Mayor had happily gone home and left them alone.

Sanji sat on a white casual sofa bathing in the chill of the night, sighing in relief. It had been tough, keeping his cool knowing that Crocodile was around. Sometimes he wondered why he had decided to welcome so much trouble in his life. It would be so much easier to simply live it playing oblivious to what was really happening in that country. Not bothering about the unfair shitty situations happening around. But then Sanji would hate himself for it. Not doing anything when he could lend a hand was something he had always been bad at. Even if he had to risk precious things or his own life.

He heard Luffy laughing out loud, visibly more relaxed as well. He was patting Zoro's shoulder in a friendly manner and the green haired man was pulling an actual smile, a small one, but still a smile. He hadn't seen him smile yet and something inside told him it suited him. A lot. He wondered how he'd look if he smiled brighter. Not that he had helped in that department; he had been pretty much an asshole. Zoro's eyes met him for the blink of an eye, but he averted his gaze quickly, leaving Sanji blinking back at him. Zoro had been staring at Sanji quite a lot that night with what he thought was discretion, and he felt as if the man wanted to ask him something.

Sanji sighed. Maybe he should make it up to the greenhead; he didn't really know what had gotten into him but he had pissed him off big time, not to mention that if Luffy had anything to say in the matter they'd be meeting quite often from then on, which would be a problem if things stayed the way they had left them stew. The antagonistic side he had magically grown towards Zoro hoped he wouldn't have to see the man ever again since there was something in him that got on his nerves and pissed him off in an irrational way, not to mention that he had called him curly-brow and therefore insulted his pride, which Sanji _never_ forgave. The small detail that he had been even more of an asshole didn't exactly hold much importance compared to that.

But _then_ the other side of him, the one that always got him in trouble, the one that enjoyed challenges too much for his own good; _that side_ kind of wished he could approach the man and see what he could get out of him. Again. It's not as if bickering with him and driving Zoro up the wall hadn't been one of the most fun and weirdly satisfying things he had done that week. Sanji defeatedly smiled to himself. It was that damn side of him that always got him in trouble, without a fault.

He guessed he was a lost case.

He stood up and grabbed two cups of wine strategically placing himself near Luffy and his new personal challenge and patiently waited for Luffy to bounce away with his ever-present cheerful smile. When the raven haired boy was far away enough, he approached the green haired man with a certain degree of nonchalance, but not letting his guard down. Zoro was looking stressed, or at least that's what his deep scowl told him.

"You look like you need a drink, Marimo," he greeted with a mocking smirk as he handed him one of the cups. Couldn't help the 'marimo' part, he swore.

Zoro almost jumped in place and his scowl deepened at the sight of the blonde in front of him, automatically glowering daggers at him.

"Asshole," he spat. But he still snatched the cup away from Sanji's hand and downed it in a flash only to find that Sanji had an amused smile on his face as he watched him and handed him the other cup, which he had instantly assumed was for the blonde himself. He had been wrong, apparently, that or Sanji had suddenly grown a heart and changed his mind in favour of helping Zoro in his much needed thirst for alcohol to survive the night. Zoro blinked at it as if he had forgotten its use and then proceeded to down it just as fast, feeling way better now that he had drunk some _proper_ alcohol and not the refined shit they had been fooling them with during the exhibition. Damn, blondie knew his wine well.

Sanji snickered at the sight and watched as Zoro's confused face looked back at him like it had just hit him that Sanji might have been trying to poison him and apparently succeeded.

"If there was any weird poisoning substance in it, I'm not the one to blame, I swear, I got them from the bar over there," Sanji joked as he studied Zoro's reactions with an amused glint in his eyes.

"What do you want?" Zoro warily snarled as he unconsciously put some distance in between them. That playfully challenging smirk on the blonde's face couldn't be good news.

Sanji shrugged. "I'm kind of sorry for being a major asshole before. Thought I'd try to amend things with some booze. You seemed to be desperate for it and I'm always down for bribing."

" _Kind of_ sorry," Zoro deadpanned.

"Well, I've never really liked lying if it can be avoided, so I couldn't say I was _completely_ sorry about that, could I? It was fun after all."

"You _are_ an asshole," Zoro stated.

"How did you meet Luffy?" Sanji conversationally asked as he took two more black wine cups from a waiter and handed one to Zoro. Damn, that shit must have been expensive, Robin knew how to cater to her guests, and Sanji seemed to know exactly what to pick if all the excellent choices he had been receiving from him were anything to go by.

"Why do you care?"

"Just curious. If you know him as well as I do, you'll know that we'll be seeing each other quite often, as much as I'm already dreading it."

"Not more than I am, rest assured, bastard."

"You're not exactly _nice_ either, Mister Jumpy," Sanji smirked.

Zoro frowned deep and hard. "It's you who provokes me."

"Just because you fall for it _every single time_. It's kind of fun."

"You don't even know me."

"Oh, now, does it make a difference? You don't look like the type who cares about maintaining appearances for the sake of politeness and civility, not to say you look like you dread it. I'd be surprised if I was wrong in that assumption," Sanji bit back with his challenging smile still in place. "But, if that's the case, then _I am_ terribly sorry; my behaviour was inexcusable and I shall make amends. May I suggest we start all over again? How should I address you, sir?"

Zoro rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Drop it."

"Thought so."

Sanji took a sip of his wine, his eyes never leaving Zoro's face. Zoro made quick job of his own glass and handed it over to a waiter, his scowl only deepening with each passing second. He couldn't exactly look at the blonde in the face for too long, or else he'd be conflicted between the urge to kick his smug grin out of his mug and standing there admiring his perfect factions like an idiot. Which was kind of contradictory and annoying, and _not_ happening. Especially not the last one.

"What?" he snapped when Sanji's stare started to make him feel uncomfortable. He mentally groaned at himself the moment the word had left his lips. Sanji was right, he _was_ easy to provoke. The blonde hadn't even needed to speak.

Sanji's grin widened, almost as if he had won a prize. What he _could_ win a prize for was that Colgate smile as far as Zoro's opinion went.

"What do you want?" Sanji asked.

Zoro blinked at him in disbelief.

"My very fucking line!"

"Okay, I'll answer first, then. I came here to apologize _and_ to ask you what the hell do you want since you've been eyeing me all night looking as if you want to ask me something, so you might as well go ahead and ask already. I'm kind of curious and I don't bite, despite appearances."

"I don't have anything to-"

"That or you are just ogling me for the sake of it, which is kind of creepy, to be honest. Are you stalking me? Do you have a crush?"

"Oi!" Zoro crossed the distance between them and fisted Sanji's shirt, fixing him with a murderous glare. Sanji's sudden jovial laugh had him startling in surprise.

"See? Too easy."

Zoro growled and let go of him, his glare not getting any softer despite knowing that the blonde's tone hadn't held an ounce of malice in it; it had purely been _playful_ , and Zoro hadn't liked it. If he found out that this went from Sanji being a complete asshole to him being playful, Zoro would have trouble drawing a line and keeping on hating him, _so no straying out of your 'asshole path', blondie, thank you very much_.

Sanji restrained the childish impulse to stick out his tongue. That would've been too much, even within the scope of irrational actions that he had allowed himself to engage when interacting with that particular complete stranger. It shouldn't be this fun, really. But it was.

"So. Why were you ogling me?" he resumed.

Zoro frowned at him and suddenly looked cautious, doubt crossing his eyes, which Sanji could tell was unusual in him, even without knowing him at all. He was rather easy to read. Sanji sighed.

"Okay, no worries, you can ask me later if you feel like it. Oh, and just in case; if there was nothing in particular that you wanted and you were only staring at my fine ass for the sake of it, I'll let you know that I'm not interested in-"

" _Fuck off!_ " Zoro snapped, definitely _not_ blushing.

Sanji laughed harder and waved his hand in a good-hearted manner that took Zoro aback. "Kidding, kidding. You better have not, though. That'd be creepy. I'd kick your ass."

Zoro softened his expression a bit. That guy was something else. How he managed to fry his nerves without as much as speaking a word was something he still needed to overcome. First person ever to achieve it, admittedly. Which should be a bad thing. Key words: _should be_. There was definitely something wrong with him if he was seriously thinking of the blonde as a damn interesting challenge he felt the urge to fight. That couldn't mean good news; he already knew he was trouble, so why bother?

Had it been anybody else, with Zoro being _Zoro_ , he would have already sent the asshole to hell and forgot about him at this stage, friends with Luffy or not, but apparently that was not happening this time. Not that the rest of the bastards he had met before had ever been a true challenge or slightly interesting for that matter. Sanji was. And Zoro was attracted to challenges. Especially to particularly attractive challenges. So instead of cutting it short and leaving the blonde to his devices, which he knew he _should_ have done, he leisurely stayed there, standing by Sanji's side and watching people walk by in surprisingly companionable silence while he pretended to be angry with the world and acted as if he dreaded Sanji's very existence by his side.

At some point, Sanji broke the silence. "I meant it when I said that I was curious about how you met Luffy."

Zoro got out of his trance and looked at him with a slightly surprised expression that quickly morphed to being pissed off. Because the blonde pissed him off, of course. Not because that was a sensitive topic.

"None of your business," he growled.

Sanji raised his eyebrows in amusement. "Okay."

When they fell into silence again, Zoro cursed himself. Had the blonde really been trying to be nice and _sort of_ amend things between them? It looked like it, he had actively started a banter with him and fuelled it for a while, but his aim to get a rise out of Zoro had been undeniably playful, and Zoro knew better than to make himself believe it hadn't been an attempt to smooth things out between them, no matter how much he'd like to convince himself otherwise. Now it was him who as being and asshole, but it's not like he could just blurt everything about what Sanji was asking. There were bits that he had to leave out and he didn't like to have to do that. He didn't really trust himself not to say stuff he shouldn't in front of strangers. And he still didn't know how involved Sanji was in Luffy's scheme, if he was at all. A slip of the tongue could be a grave mistake. He'd bet his hands that the blonde was indeed involved, but one could never be sure enough, and speaking too much was maiming to oneself when these kind of topics were involved. Not to mention Sanji had been the asshole to start with, and Zoro was under no obligation to play nice once Sanji decided to be something similar to sufferable for a change, excuse him.

"Met through Franky," he curtly answered a few minutes later, when he had filtered the exact words he was going to let slip. He didn't even know why he had decided to even humour the conversation, so he said it with an annoyed frown. Sanji smirked and listened, as if he had known all along that Zoro would end up answering. The bastard. But Zoro continued. "I used to work for Franky. One day Robin brought the kid to our work place and told me to keep him company while she discussed something with Franky…"

"More like babysit him," Sanji corrected with a mocking grin.

Zoro found himself wearing a matching smile on his face. "Accurate."

Sanji laughed and Zoro grinned a bit wider as he spotted Luffy bouncing somewhere around a very pissed off Nami a few meters away. The raven haired boy was trying to get a hold of all the meat there was on a tray that had just been served near the buffet tables. Poor meat never stood a chance, not even with Nami fighting Luffy away.

"You can probably guess the rest," he muttered with a small smile, his eyes still affectionately lying on a now whimpering Luffy. Whoops, scratch that, not affectionately, he wasn't _that_ soft, he was Roronoa fucking Zoro, no one screamed badass more than he did, excuse them all! He was made of steel and badassery and ate bullets for breakfast, he most definitely didn't do 'affectionate' or 'soft'; that was for the weak.

"Oh, yes, I think I can. Luffy _inexplicably_ liked an adored you the instant he met you, then declared you'd be friends forever and ordered you to join his 'crew' right after refusing your refusal. Same old story. Can't get why'd he'd feel this way about you, but I never really got him to start with, so it's alright I guess. I've seen weirder."

"Oi!"

"If you keep on being this eloquent you won't stand a chance, Marimo. This is not even challenging, at this rate I'll end up thinking you're boring," Sanji smirked. "I would honestly hate that, it would be a shame."

And, oh, didn't Zoro want to smash his face in. If only he didn't look damn sexy when he acted cocky and challenging. The bastard knew how to push all the right buttons. And that's why he didn't think or process his next words.

He should have.

"Luffy told me you needed a sparring partner," he spat.

Sanji raised both eyebrows at him, visibly taken aback by the sudden change of topic and by the fact that Zoro had successfully managed to make that statement sound like he had been insulting his mother.

"Uh… yeah…?"

Zoro was on a stride, it seemed; he hadn't yet processed what he had just said and he was already spouting more words he would regret later. Not that he was thinking at all.

"Great, you just got yourself someone to kick your ass. I'll show you what a goddamn challenge is, dart brow! Witty words won't help you when I introduce your face to the floor."

Sanji blinked at him in mild shock at Zoro's outburst. Zoro realized he had spoken too much when a predatory smirk slowly grew in Sanji's face. Zoro blinked at the now smug blonde. What had he just done now?

 _Oh shit._

Oh, no, he hadn't.

Shit, _he had_.

"Oh my, full of confidence, aren't we?"

Shit, shit, _shit_! Could he still take it back? It definitely was a _bad_ idea. What the ever loving fuck had he been thinking?

"Okay, Marimo, I'll like to see you try. Don't cry when I've got you begging for mercy."

 _Of fucking course_ , on top of everything else, the damn blonde had to go and phrase it _like that_. Not. Distracting. At all. Zoro swore heaven hated him. He hated Sanji.

"Friday afternoon at the local gym, the one by State Park," Sanji offered. It sounded like an order.

And Zoro was set. Because he simply couldn't refuse a challenge when it was worded clearly to him, could he? Damn, he couldn't even refuse a challenge when the poor souls who challenged him didn't even _know_ they had challenged him and had probably never meant to! Not to mention the minuscule detail that it had been _him_ who had first put the challenge on the table. He felt his brain catching up with his bullshit and gracing him with a slow unimpressed mental applause. Good job, Zoro. Fucking _fantastic_.

So, despite his urge to smash his own face against a wall, his answer was a given. "Fine for me. Train a lot, you'll need it, pansy."

"So you're sparring partners now?!"

Both Zoro and Sanji jumped a foot in the air when a certain bubbly young man appeared out of nowhere and almost plastered his excited face to theirs, his eyes almost physically shining with happiness.

"Fuck! Luffy! Don't do that!" Sanji yelled, shoving him away and trying to regulate his heartbeat back to normal.

"I told you, I _told you_! You are best friends now!" Luffy cheered as he proceeded to do some kind of weird jumping dance around them.

"No, we are not!" they both yelled back.

"I'd appreciate some discretion, gentlemen, some guests look like they'd like your tones lower and your yelling stopping."

The trio turned to a smiling yet threatening-looking Robin who was now standing in front of them with a glass of wine in her hand, arms crossed and a final look in her eyes. Zoro swallowed and closed his mouth with a clack. That woman could be scary when she wanted to.

"Do you think you can keep it quiet from now on?" she asked with her smile still in place. The kind of smile that clearly informed them that 'no' was a _bad_ answer.

* * *

When he strode into the office the Monday after and Perona started _screeching_ at him, Zoro swore out loud.

He couldn't help it, his life was officially hell after last Friday night. Luffy had been nagging him about oncoming parties where his _best friend_ would also come over the phone for the whole course of the weekend, coming to the point where he had planted himself at his door to ensure a 'yes', which he didn't get because Zoro had a goddamn serious job and couldn't afford playing around as much as Luffy assumed everyone could. Honest to God, all of the dates that had been proposed _did_ overlap with his working schedules, and that was _not_ an attempt to get away from meeting the blonde, whatever popular opinion may state. Hell, he was meeting him next Friday, it's not like he could even bother presenting excuses at this point; he had already been made. By himself. He hated himself. What a way to act like an idiot. He had also received a few insufferable teasing messages from the rest of a farce of friends he had, _and_ Smoker had kindly decided to call him in on Sunday to help him out with some goddamn delayed paperwork he needed to have ready for Monday, _fuck him very much_ , so he was hardly in the mood to deal with anymore bullshit.

"Tone it down," he groaned as he passed by her desk without as much as stopping to greet her.

"No, wait!" she shrieked, getting a strong hold of his wrist right after leaping over the desk, throwing paper work around in a swirling disaster and managing to land with her stomach flat on the wooden surface, using her free hand to get a good grip on it so that Zoro wouldn't cause her to fall face first to the floor when he tried to yank his arm away.

With the way the pink haired girl was clutching onto both him and the desk for dear life, all he managed to achieve was dragging both Perona and the table a few centimetres across the room before completely giving up. He didn't want to be charged with property damage by his boss if he were to find out he had completely trashed the place in an attempt to get away for the shitty excuse of a worker they had perched at reception. What the hell did she even do asides from annoying him and polishing her nails?

" _What the fuck do you want_."

"Stay still," she ordered him with a stubborn frown. Zoro had no doubt she would run after him and actually cause serious damage if he didn't obey, which he would somehow end up being blamed for, so he reticently did as he was told when she warily let go of his wrist, retreating back to her desk and heading towards the door behind reception that led to a storage room Zoro had learned to hate with all his might after hours and even honest to God all-nighters of looking around for stray key documents to key cases ever since he had first put a foot in that department.

That department was a mess.

His face fell when he saw Perona coming out with what had to be a Primark onesie (she had seen her buy enough of that shit online to be able to distinguish the approaching danger without blinking), and he was fast to take a step back.

" _No._ "

"Can you _chill_? You haven't even looked at it! Look, it's like the cutest thing ever, I managed to get your size!"

Zoro stared in horror as Perona lifted her arms to show him its full length and was met with a purple bear onesie. It had pockets. Riveted with glittery edges. It had eyelashes. Charged with glitter. It even had paws. They were the ugliest shade of pink he had ever had the disgrace to see. And they were also riveted with glitter. _Glitter._

"Bye."

Perona shrieked and threw the onesie over her head the second she established her priority was to stop Zoro in his tracks. Unlike him, the lovely bear outfit wouldn't escape her hands. She threw herself at Zoro and latched onto one of his arms with both of hers like a koala, planting her soles on the floor in an attempt to become a solid pillar capable of impeding his desertion. So much for trying.

"Stop! You haven't even tried it on! _Try it on_!" she insisted in a high pitched whine while being dragged by Zoro's sheer will power to get the hell out of there before he burned the offensive article of clothing and ended up originating a fire in the process. Property damage, _property damage_ , he kept reminding himself. That was something he wanted to avoid.

"No. I have work to do."

"Then try it on after you've finished! It's worth it, come on, you'll look cute!"

"And you'll look very much dead at the bottom of the river by the end of my shift if you don't leave me the fuck alone about right now. Consider it a fair warning," Zoro growled with nothing but murderous intent latching to his voice. He was nearing the door separating the office from reception at an agonizingly slow and dragged pace given how much raw force Perona was putting into stopping him, but he'd be free in no time and he wouldn't need to break anything or kill anyone anymore. He just had to restrain himself a little longer.

"Wow, Zoro, that was harsh, even for you. Grumpy much? Didn't manage to get laid this weekend?"

Zoro snapped his head to his side, where Bonney was successfully walking passed him unharmed, without any physical force to be reckoned with keeping her almost planted in place, unlike him. Lucky woman.

"What about you _help me_ ," he snarled.

Bonney winked at him and opened heaven's door with a satisfied smirk, going in and evilly closing it behind her in slow motion, leaving Zoro to fend for himself. He swore he heard a cackle after the faint 'click'.

Fuck her. Fuck everyone. He _was_ breaking something, consequences be damned.

"Good morning, Perona. Hello, Zoro, you're looking animated today." Thanks fuck, that was Smoker. He almost wished him good morning out of pure gratitude, but he was having trouble not breaking his arm by pulling too hard at the moment. "Perona, let him go, we have a meeting and I want him there about right now. Bother him later."

"What do you mean 'later'?!" Zoro indignantly protested as Smoker strolled passed them as well without as much as looking sideways. "How about 'never again'? Fucking stick up for me, even _you_ must know this can be qualified as harassment!"

"Zoro. To the meeting room. _Now_. Perona, let him go, it was an order," Smoker barked, not even turning around to dignify Zoro's sad hardships with a response.

Perona ended up huffing and doing as she was told and Zoro almost fell forward at the sudden lack of resistance, but he was fast to overcome it and sprint towards the closing door, making it in time to muffle Perona's complaints by slamming it after him. He almost locked it as a preventive measure, but he would be frowned upon and Bonney was a few meters away from him ready to laugh at his face, so he avoided giving her incentives.

"Meeting room," Smoker announced at the rest of his unit, who raised their heads from their respective paper work and followed suit, sending knowing glances at Zoro's dishevelled appearance. They could only thank it wasn't them who had caught Perona's undivided attention and they could only pray she would never stop troubling Zoro, for it meant they wouldn't be the victims while his torture lasted.

Zoro flopped on a chair, shrugging of his jacked and privately cursing everyone in the room who had heard his agony across the closed door and hadn't come in his aid. He was in a bad mood to start with; now it was terrible. Knowing he'd have to deal with more boring paperwork since they hadn't seemed to have a decent case for weeks, Zoro was sure he'd be breaking personal records today.

"Okay, first things first, Yosaku, how's the infiltration going?" Smoker demanded, taking his spot by the big screen at the end of the room.

Yosaku raised his gaze from his laptop, which he had brought inside the room since he had been working on what Smoker was now asking about. He had pulled an all-nighter and stayed at the office up until now, when Smoker had interrupted his concentration streak, and it showed. His eye bags were so dark and puffy it was almost a miracle he managed to keep his bloodshot eyes open.

"Almost in. Those bastards had the freaking China Wall around their system. It'll be done in an hour."

"Excellent, send me the results when you're done. I want names and procedures."

"Sure thing, sir."

"Bonney, where the fuck is your report? It was due to last Friday," their boss proceeded, levelling the pink haired woman with a severe frown.

"Completely forgot," she disinterestedly stated, kicking her feet on the table.

"I'm going to completely forget about your salary if it's not on my desk by noon. Coby, congrats on your case, that one's solved for good. Write a report and hand it in by Wednesday."

"Yes, sir."

"Zoro, wipe that scowl out of your face, it's only Monday and you're already making this feel like a goddamn funeral. Johnny… no, there was nothing specific for you, did you hand in your report?"

"On your desk, sir," Johnny nodded.

"Good. Where the fuck is Tashigi?"

As if called upon by a higher force, Tashigi broke in through the door, almost falling face first as she lost her balance but managing a saluting pose at the end.

"Excuse me, sir, I was running late!" she announced.

"Yes, Tashigi, I can see that. Sit down. Report?"

"Ah, uhm, yes, yes! I have it with me. I'll leave it on your desk…"

"Once the meeting is over. Sit down," Smoker repeated, turning to the empty screen. "Now, onto what's important."

He clicked a button and the screen came to life, showing a rather familiar face in the centre.

"Does he ring a bell?"

"Isn't he that drug lord whose happy _free_ playground is South Blue?" Yosaku ventured after taking a fast glimpse at the photo and going back to his work, tapping his fingers against his laptop without losing an ounce of concentration as he absently spoke. "That sort of protégée Crocodile has."

Zoro frowned. He knew that man. Yosaku was right. He was probably one of the lowest quality scum in the goddamn city, someone he'd gladly take out of the streets for everyone's wellbeing, but for some reason unknown to them, he was valuable to Crocodile and they had been given specific orders from the higher-ups to overlook whatever shit he got himself and his whole district into, which meant they weren't allowed to touch him even if they happened to come across a murder they _knew_ was perpetrated by him. Talk about a lawful and just system. God, Zoro wanted to throw up.

"Correct," Smoker nodded. He didn't look much more pleased than them with the truth coming out of Yosaku's lips. "That's Mister 3 for you."

He clicked again and a completely different kind of image greeted them. Zoro was actually taken by surprise, which didn't happen often.

" _What?_ " Bonney had kicked her feet back to the floor and was now leaning in over the table in order to get a better look, unable to believe her eyes and looking interested for once.

In front of them shined an image of Mister 3's body sprawled on what looked like concrete, not that they could make out much more of his surroundings, but it's not like they would have spared a glance at them if the background had been any more interesting, not when Mister 3's face was a bloody mess and a bullet hole screamed for attention on his forehead. That's where all of the blood came from, as far as Zoro could see; the rest of his face or body were untouched.

Well. _That_ was a surprise.

"His body was found at dawn, inside one of the plants by the quay; it was known to be one of his operation bases. The place was left deserted, his subordinates were fast to wipe everything out of there before the police could send anyone. I got informed a while ago; the case has been transferred to us."

"Who did this?" Johnny demanded. If he had sounded slightly excited, as in the happy kind of excited, no one blamed him. Someone had done what they wished they could have done ages ago.

"That's what you are going to investigate. Whoever did this knew he was valuable for Crocodile, nobody else would have attempted a shot at him. Grudge or vengeful motives are practically out of the picture; an amateur wouldn't have gotten this far. It was planned and it wasn't as meant to maim his drug organization as it was meant to hurt Crocodile's interests. Therefore why we are the ones taking care of it."

Zoro frowned. Special Unit 13 was a police elite unit whose scope of action targeted the system's enemies, complex organizations or the top most dangerous criminals in that country, not your average criminal. If someone was thought to be plotting against the Government or any important peon keeping the system rolling, they were ordered to investigate and eradicate the threat, which included the most literal sense of eradicating if needed be. For the most part, they dismantled underground organizations who opposed the government and eliminated the individuals who were brave or crazy enough to try anything that went against the Government's interests.

Funny, one may think, that someone with a certain moral content in his brain and who silently hated the system he lived in (that being Zoro), would be working to sustain it while getting rid of the people who were trying to destroy it. Well, it wasn't necessarily saints they were hunting down. To be completely honest, 90% of their targets were scum themselves; people who wanted a political charge for themselves and killed and tortured to achieve it, or recognized criminals who had done their fair deal of harm to the world before deciding that they wanted to pick a new hobby and that fucking up the system sounded fun and thrilling enough. Sure, their hate towards their fucked up Government might be shared, hell, he even shared it with _Smoker_ , who had loads of trouble doing or accepting anything he didn't perceive as just (and it was a fact that the system wasn't), but that was about it. You wouldn't catch him feeling guilty if they ended half of their assaults with their targets dead or if they knew the ones they had captured would go through capital penalty. As stated, 90% of them deserved it 120%.

Which left a problematic 10% whose ranks he would have aligned with if life's shitty circumstances hadn't brought him to this current job and Smoker hadn't shown some actual mercy and care towards him, enough to accept him despite knowing where his beliefs laid. Probably because he shared them. But he was in, and he wasn't ungrateful enough as to turn his back to the people who had once rescued him from what would have otherwise been a shitty dispensable life.

So here he was. For the most part, he did his job with ease and never second-guessing it, since it ended up reduced to hunting down criminals who had asked for it, but there were times when it _was_ difficult. That one time a teenager had appeared assassinated at the bottom of the river and all the leads had brought their gaze towards Mister 3, for example. The moment they had lead their investigation towards him, some higher up Zoro didn't know the name of had phoned Smoker and told him to stay out of it, and thus Mister 3 had become untouchable. Over the years they had encountered several crimes which they _knew_ had been his doing that they had had to hand to other units who'd also pretend they hadn't seen shit, leaving the bastard unpunished and rendering them powerless to do anything about it. They had a few names in their list of recurrent dangerous criminals who they had been forced to give the same treatment to, and free they were up to date.

Those were the moments when Zoro went through the critical phase of wanting to throw his goddamn desk at the equally powerless and frustrated Smoker (who couldn't do much more than them despite being their boss, in all fairness) and quit this shit, maybe offering his full-on help for Luffy to use.

Speaking of which, there still was that 10%, and that was his other main issue. There were people who were actually helping the system's unjustified targets through underground organizations, people who aimed their efforts and bullets not at the country's citizens but at its leading figures and their fucked up bullshit, along with untouchable Government-protected criminals like Mister 3. Those people were the Unit's targets as well, since they were considered antisystem. And he could tell how much his whole unit disliked having to deal with them, it wasn't only his problem. Someone helped where they couldn't, but they were still to be taken down if they didn't want to be charged with insubordination, which could very well be disguised as betrayal towards the Government by the snakes ruling the goddamn mess that was their country; which translated into them being shot in the face, which none of them necessarily fancied.

That's why Smoker complied. That's why Smoker was reluctantly ordering them to go after whoever had had the balls to get Mister 3 out of the picture despite their end result being positive for society. And that's why they obeyed. For his own good and for theirs as well, since Smoker _did_ care about his subordinates, he had never and would never tolerate insubordination under his command. See it as you will, but it was his way of keeping them alive. They had a job to do and they did it. No one punished them at the end of the day. They lived.

That didn't mean they wouldn't somehow become 'clumsier' when it came to that 10%. That didn't mean Smoker didn't magically become more lenient when they came back empty handed after a raid that shouldn't have been all that difficult to turn into success. But there still was a minimum amount of effort they had to put in it, and there still was a minimum amount they _had_ to capture and hand back to the ones who'd be deciding their fate (most likely death) if they didn't want to be suspicious and attract extra unneeded attention from the higher-ups towards that 10% and themselves, so they did.

Those were bad days. Days where they'd come back with actually good people screaming and swearing at them while they pretended they couldn't care less. Those were _the worst_ days. Those were the days where he was closer to snapping and going to hell with everything.

It was just the thought that Luffy and Robin and half of his friends stood between that 10% that kept him from doing so, at last. If he was out of Special Unit 13 they were as good as blind. They'd have no one who'd cover for their asses when they messed up, no one to mislead hints so that they would point somewhere else when, otherwise, they would have screamed Luffy's name. His unit had a soft spot for those who meant right, sure, but they didn't have any special predilection for The Strawhats, as they had come to name the anonymous group, nor did that mean they went easy on anyone; they didn't mislead hints and they didn't cover for anyone's asses, unlike Zoro. His unit was made of elite men and women, and they proved it at all times. If the gang had to be part of the minimum amount required to keep his unit's disagreements with the system a well-hidden secret, they would be properly hunted down and no one would be caught second guessing themselves when chaining them. He had a feeling both Johnny and Yosaku were some sort of fans of The Strawhats and would probably ask for an autograph if they ever got the chance, but the rest of them didn't particularly care. And even Johnny and Yosaku knew there'd be a moment where it would become necessary; it was their job after all.

The Strawhat's name had been sitting on his desk far too often for him not to know that the moment he wasn't there to make sure they weren't caught, there'd be no special treatment coming from the other members of his unit. The Strawhat's were good and 90% of their success at escaping the law could be attributed to themselves, but there was a 10% Zoro contributed to, make it 8% if his unit was having a lenient day and decided to collaborate and tighten their grip on them a bit less.

So, no, Zoro never quit. Robin was cleverer and could handle hiding her traces like a pro, but Luffy did mess up sometimes, and the moment Zoro was gone, a rapid countdown would start to the day he'd finally get caught.

"Earth to Zoro, are you listening?"

Zoro blinked at Bonney, who was staring at him with an amused grin that warned him of the fact that he was in trouble. It didn't take more than two seconds for him to bring his gaze back at Smoker who was positively glaring daggers at him.

"I was laying out the action plan. Heard a single thing I said?"

Zoro wanted to say 'yes' and save himself a headache, but Smoker would ask him to repeat his exact words, which he wouldn't be able to do, and he'd have a splitting migraine for the next whole week, so he ended up opting for the truth.

"No."

Smoker's nostrils flared. Oh, well. Here came the headache.

 **TBC**


	6. Chapter 5 - The Warning

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* * *

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 **Chapter 5**

 **The Warning**

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* * *

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Zoro knocked his fingers against a very familiar front door. It's not like he went there _that_ often, not with how packed he usually was with work during the usual hours one would use to visit friends, but it had come to the point where he had even reduced his percentage of chances of getting lost on his way there, which was an achievement worth noting. It spoke volumes about how much he knew and appreciated that particular spot in the city. Most of the best parties he'd ever been in had been thrown there and most of his most memorable ordinary-as-hell meetings with friends had been held there, which wasn't surprising given its owner's ability to throw invitations around every two waking seconds.

He heard hurried steps running towards the door and he was met with a bubbly grinning face when he opened it, which had him drawing a small smile of his own in return.

"Zoro!"

"Hey," he greeted, letting himself in.

"What a surprise, you never come on your own! Had some free time and wanted to have fun? I can show you fun, there's this new game I bought-"

"No games, Luffy, I just came out of work, let me breathe," Zoro complained as he shrugged his jacket off and made himself at home. "Beer would be great, though."

Luffy pouted. "Yes, of course. Beer would be _fantastic_."

Zoro grinned at Luffy's deadpan tone, which he only used when he was feeling clueless or personally betrayed. Not playing with him when demanded to counted as betrayal in Luffy's books, so yeah, Zoro had managed to commit a crime ten seconds in his unexpected visit. He should offer himself a prize. In all fairness, Luffy knew better than to ask if there wasn't booze and other people around, but the young man was stubborn and there was nothing keeping him from trying.

"Is Nami home?"

"Nope. Why?"

Luffy came back with a beer in one hand and a food container in the other. Nami had gotten used to the preventive measure of cooking or ordering as much food as a group of ten would need so that she could put the leftovers in containers for Luffy to aspirate every time he was hungry along the day, which was often and deemed said containers not enough. They still helped, though. Better than to have him ransack every last of their food supplies.

"Awesome. I wasn't in the mood for her bitching."

Luffy snickered at Zoro's antics when it came to the redhead. He knew Zoro's aversion towards her was more of a rehearsed routine than actual permanent annoyance, so he didn't take offence. That being said, they _did_ have clashing personalities, and having them sitting in the same room for more than ten minutes could lead to really interesting situations for others to watch while those two suffered in annoyance under each other's jibes and groans.

"So… didn't come here to play with me?" Luffy prodded.

"Nah. I came here for the beer."

"Anything else?"

Zoro threw a sideways glance at Luffy and kept a few moments of silence as Luffy kept grinning at him while scanning the greenhead for an answer. Whoever was dumb enough to think the raven haired boy wasn't perceptive had it coming, really. Luffy knew this was work-related, Zoro hadn't fooled him for a second, although it wasn't surprising; he never went there on his own for idle chat, that simply wasn't Zoro's thing. He had to be invited, dragged in and coerced to stay for him to do anything remotely sociable, although you _did_ have his attention if you put booze in the equation. That usually obliterated the coercion part and smoothed out the dragging one, which barely remained for the sake of tradition.

"Mister 3 has been murdered. Today, at dawn," he carefully laid out, watching Luffy for a reaction.

Luffy may be a clever little shit when he put his mind to it, but he couldn't act for saving his life, so he took his sudden expression for what it was: utter genuine surprise. Which meant he hadn't known it beforehand.

"Are you serious?"

Zoro nodded. "Shot in the face."

"That's it? Just like that?"

The greenhead nodded again. Luffy blinked at him, processing the information, but Zoro knew his brain was already straying towards way more dangerous thoughts. The only thing keeping him from jumping towards his phone was the fact that even Luffy needed to ask a few questions before acting.

"Who did it?"

"That's kind of why I came here."

"It wasn't us," Luffy dropped before he could finish, his expression final. "We didn't even know it had happened. Rumors haven't started running yet, apparently."

"Not you."

"No, Zoro, not us. I can assure you some of my crew want him dead since ages ago, but we hadn't yet made a move; he is… was pretty much untouchable, with Crocodile's protection and everything."

"Do you have a clue about who it could've been?"

"No, not yet, it hasn't even reached the streets. Which is weird, because night has fallen already and these kind of news don't take more than 24 hours to spread."

"That's because we've been doing some damage control and Crocodile has been doing his own, which is a definite guarantee for absolute silence. Something's going to slip soon, it always happens, but we've kept it restricted and confidential for now. Plus, that bastard's underlings are keeping it low and have apparently hidden underground or something, there's no trace of them, they must be scared as shit, so they're probably not going to be the ones to start the rumor."

"Robin may know something," Luffy offered.

Robin always knew _everything_. If someone was to catch air of running news first, that was Robin. That's how Luffy usually knew about things quite ahead of other people. If she hadn't yet contacted him, that meant she still didn't know or had her hands full with it so she still hadn't had the time to pass the message on.

"I need to tell the others," Luffy suddenly blurted, getting up to snatch his phone. There it went. There was only so many questions he had the patience to ask. "We need to move."

Zoro had been prepared for that kind of reaction, so his hand darted to grab him by the wrist and stop him in his tracks in time to stop him from doing anything stupid.

"No, Luffy, sit down."

"Why? We're ahead now! There's a bunch of bastards running around without a leader, it's the opportunity we had been waiting for, we need to kick their asses and force them out of the picture before Crocodile gathers them back and reorganizes them! Getting rid of Mister 3 amounts to nothing if his people keep on doing what he did!"

"I said sit down," Zoro firmly ordered, ignoring Luffy's agitated protests and pulling at him to do as he was told, which he finally managed after some struggle. It took his hand to grab Luffy's jaw and force him to face him for Luffy to actually shut up and pay attention. "Listen. Do _not_ engage them."

"I appreciate your concern but-"

"You'll be digging your own grave, Luffy; _no_ ," Zoro cut him with the most authoritative tone he could muster. In all honesty, it sounded pretty intimidating, but that wasn't a guarantee when it came to Luffy. "Crocodile's efforts might be gathered on finding them and reorganizing them back, but my unit's is to find whoever the hell did this. We have no leads. If some vengeful gang were to go after those bastards, we'd go after them and pretty much point all accusations at them. Whoever makes a move first and contacts any of them will become a suspect, Luffy, whoever uses this chance to attack them _is_ a suspect we'll be tracking down, and we'll be going for a _hunt_ , Luffy, it's going to be pretty fucking serious. Crocodile is making sure we don't leave loose ends, he feels threatened. Whoever did this hid fast because they know what's good for them. I am positive the culprit won't be the one to go after Mister 3's men, that's something they've left for the rest of vigilantes to do, and it's those people who we're going to investigate, because we don't have anything else. We'll be going all out Luffy, if we have a lead on a gang, we are going to have to _bone_ them. If you're seen near his men we'll hunt you down, Luffy, so restrain whatever the fuck a favor you think you're doing to this country and keep it low for a few weeks. This case is going to be long, there's important people's shitty interests involved, and everyone's guard will be up, so stay away from trouble for a while. Can you do that?"

Luffy was frowning at him. Zoro felt it in his fingertips when Luffy's jaw clenched out of frustration and anger. Luffy was angry at him. Well, that much was expected.

"Do you take me for a coward?"

"I'd very much prefer it if you were at the moment, but no, I know you're not, and that's why I'm asking you to not engage them. If not for you, do it for me. There's only so much covering and misleading I can pull before we point our guns at you, Luffy, and I don't want to go through that, because I'll have to shoot if it comes to it. I'm already risking a lot by coming here and warning you, you know it."

Luffy's stare was boring into him but Zoro saw the slightest glint of a change in it. He was getting to the young man. He knew he was using a low blow as a weapon, putting his own difficult position at first line, but he needed Luffy and his crew to back down.

"Come on, Luffy. There'll be other people doing the job. We'll chase them, but they'll maim those bastards before we manage, and the game will continue. Stay out of it."

"This is not like you, Zoro. Is this what we do with our beliefs? Tone them down and pretend they're not there when things get complicated?"

Zoro blinked at the man in front of him, jaw clenched. Now _he_ was angry.

"I never claimed to be one of yours," he muttered, tone hard and piercing. He might as well have spat. "Why don't you ask Nami, see what she'd say? Or Robin, for that matter. They all know better than to launch an attack when it will grant your asses being handed to us, but they'll follow you if you dive head first; want to hold that responsibility? _Use your fucking brain_."

Zoro let go of Luffy's jaw with a final harsh jerk, glaring at him for good measure, but all Luffy did was let his expression go from antagonistic to an angry frustrated pout. He knew Zoro was right, and there's only so much fighting he could successfully hold before having to admit it. It wasn't about Luffy being a coward or Zoro not wanting to deal with the burden of keeping them all alive when he didn't have any obligation to do so; it was about his whole crew being unnecessarily exposed when Special Unit 13 and pretty much every single one of Crocodile's men were expecting them, or whoever took the first step, to show face. They'd be caught without as much as putting up a decent struggle. There was a reason why Robin canalized information and a structure amongst certain groups of vigilantes had been created; so that they had the upper hand and a fair chance at success and survival when they took action. There wasn't much they would be able to do for the cause if they were dead, that much was for sure. And Zoro had spoken the truth; there'd be enough careless gangs and people holding grudges or sharing the same beliefs as Luffy going after that web of bastards, it's not like they would get out of this unscratched.

"Fine."

Zoro sighed in relief. "Thanks."

He meant it. He wasn't lying when he said he'd have a hard time protecting them if they ever went with Luffy's initial plan. Cases where politicians' interests were involved tended to end up in a shitstorm not even Zoro had the power to control and subdue. The mere thought of having to pull the trigger on them made him shiver in discomfort. When had he gotten himself into this fucked up mess?

"Stay clear from Buggy as well."

"Why Buggy?" Luffy frowned in confusion.

It was no secret that they didn't have the greatest relationship, so it's not like Luffy would look for the man unless he needed something like he needed air or had decided to kick the other's ass for good, but it wasn't beyond him and Zoro had to make it clear that, at the moment, it was a big no no.

"Because one of his men was registered to have murdered one of Mister 3's last week. Something personal, that we know of, and probably not related to the issue at hand, but we're taking that lead for now since we don't have any other viable open ones at the moment. Which means Buggy's gang has our attention on them. We'll be tracking down their movements. So avoid contact."

"Okay, okay, whatever. There wasn't anything planned for this week, so we'll be fine, you can relax now," Luffy ended up accepting, looking anything but pleased. It was always a sight when he wasn't in his bubbly mode, which was a testament to how much he disliked the forced inactivity Zoro had barged into his flat proclaiming as a norm. He seemed to think twice, though, because his bad mood was quickly replaced by an actually grateful smile as he fixed Zoro with a softer stare. "Thank you, by the way. For looking out for us. I know it's hard on you. We won't make it more difficult that needed, we'll stay out of the picture for a while, I promise."

Zoro didn't have trouble smiling back. He was relieved. Honestly so. Thanks fuck.

He could have left it at that, really, but there was that bugging question tugging at the back of his mind and his cop side _had_ to make sure. He couldn't get rid of it, so he might as well try his luck. Even though he knew Luffy would probably get mad at him.

Luffy had gone back to chilling and inhaling his food, laying comfortably on the sofa, when Zoro mustered the will to voice it out loud.

"Uhm… just for the record, are you sure none of yours is behind this? No one you know of?"

Luffy blinked at him, severely confused. "Positive. Why?"

"You sure?"

"I just said so. It's not us."

" _None_ of yours?"

Now Luffy was straightening and fixing him with a suspicious glare.

"No."

Zoro frowned. Fuck. He'd have to ask directly. Damn, this wasn't going to go smoothly.

"What about Sanji?"

Luffy's eyes widened in both shock and disbelief, but he schooled his expression just as fast as it had crumbled, keeping Zoro blind to any other possible reaction asides from the increasing annoyance he was starting to emanate.

"What about Sanji?" he mimicked.

Fuck, he _was_ angry. Robin had fairly warned him against going through that path, but he had to ask, come on. He knew what Luffy's crew was up to, he knew where their limits laid and he knew they only acted under Luffy's orders or under a pretext Luffy would have approved of, but Sanji was a strikingly blinding blank. He didn't know shit about him, but he had been introduced into the circle of people Zoro was _positive_ was involved in things they legally shouldn't, and he didn't know where Sanji stood regarding Luffy. He could be a friend but act on his own. He could be scum, for all he knew, even though being friends with Luffy would have been unlikely had that been the case. But he was in the picture. And Zoro was currently swiping through the picture looking for leads; that's what he did, that was his job and he needed to cross out possibilities if he wanted to narrow it down. Or highlight some. Whatever. He needed to get this out.

"He's in. Look, you can try covering for him, and I _know_ I have no right to be interrogating you about him, but I know he is in. Whatever role he plays in your scheme, I need to know if he could have been the one to do it, if only to dismiss him as a potential suspect. I'd rather ask you than do my own research, I know you'd hate that even more."

Why was he giving any kind of explanation? Why was he justifying himself? He never justified himself, he did his job and ignored the rest. He knew why, though; he felt guilty. Not because of Sanji, who was indeed a hot piece of ass with too much of a sassy attitude for Zoro not to prefer he weren't the kind of scum he'd have no problem evaporating from this world, but because of Luffy. Sanji was Luffy's friend, and he was loved, Zoro could tell that. He knew how bad it settled with Luffy if somebody went after his friends and he knew he'd take it as a lack of trust towards _himself_ if somebody doubted them, so Zoro _did_ feel slightly guilty and uneasy about this. Hence the justifying shit he was trying to pull. Not to mention he needed some good solid arguments for Luffy to open his mouth other than to yell bloody hell at him. _That_ was also a great reason.

"You know better than to be doing this, _Zoro_."

Here it went. Luffy's cold tone. He was protecting Sanji. Friend or foe, if someone dared threaten a friend of his, Luffy could get the worse kind of protective Zoro had ever seen, and he was already dreading this. He didn't like to be on the receiving end of that side of the raven haired boy. He was positively _hostile_.

"The only thing I know is that I have a job to do and Sanji's name is in the equation. Get him out of it and I'm not going to bother him."

"Sanji shouldn't be in the equation to start with. He's a chef. He _cooks_. The best food you'll ever eat, by the way. He's nothing else, he doesn't belong up here," Luffy stated, pointing right in between Zoro's eyebrows and jabbing his finger against his frown for good measure. "So _leave him alone_."

Zoro's frown deepened against Luffy's pad. The bastard was serious.

"I'll repeat it one more time. _No one's_ involved."

Luffy knew. Luffy knew that Zoro knew, and they both knew Zoro was right. Sanji was part of Luffy's team, to some extent, but Luffy wouldn't be saying that out loud until Sanji himself did so, which would be _never_ because he hadn't even had a decent conversation with the blonde nor would he ever do so if their clashing personalities were anything to go by. Zoro thought it was stupid, really. If Zoro knew it without a doubt, Luffy wouldn't have the need to keep on denying it, but the guy had a thing for loyalty and that included playing dumb until there was no game to be played anymore. All Sanji would ever be in their conversations about him was a chef, and there was no getting him out of that set of mind.

And yet, knowing that Zoro knew, he had repeated it once more; they didn't have anything to do with it. And 'they' now also meant Sanji. If Zoro asked about Luffy's crew, Luffy's answers would include Sanji from now on. Sanji wasn't involved, that's what he was saying. Sanji was clean and _not_ a lead. Write it down, Sherlock.

"Okay. Okay. That's it, thank you," Zoro slowly nodded, leaning back against the couch with a sigh. That's as much as he was getting out of him, but it was satisfying nonetheless. Sanji's face wasn't hovering around the list of potential suspects or known gangs or individuals to try to track down anymore, at least not regarding this case. Sanji was back to being 'Luffy's annoying as fuck friend' in his head, even when highlighted with a huge question mark he would end up trying to decipher; he knew himself well enough. But he was clean. Good. He'd hate to know he had a sparring session programmed for Friday with the man he was supposed to maybe end up arresting for murder and sending to his own death under the Government's hands. That would be uncomfortable and unpleasant, indeed.

 _Which reminded him._

"I swear to God I'm out of your and _his_ back now, but could you please ask that asshole of a friend you have at what time exactly he was planning to meet on Friday? We never agreed on anything in particular and I have no way to contact him."

Luffy's eyes went wide, some kind of protest already forming inside his opening mouth, but he seemed to rethink whatever he was going to say, frowning at him instead.

"You mean your sparring session? Didn't you arrange it already?"

"Not the hour. Can you ask him?"

Luffy's calculating frown didn't waver, but he didn't answer either.

"This has _nothing_ to do with the case anymore, he's already out of my list, _I swear_. Come on, Luffy, when do I ever swear? I _never_ swear, and I'm swearing now. No harm intended, I just need you to ask him the time so that I don't make a fool of myself by not appearing. Last thing I need is to give him a reason to call me a coward, that bastard. It will already be insufferable enough as it is."

He watched as Luffy's expression kept on morphing as he talked. He was talking a lot. What the fuck, he needed to shut up, he was _already_ making a fool of himself. Luffy was grinning now. Shit.

"I told you you'd be best friends."

"No, we won't. Can you ask him or not?"

"Ask him yourself," Luffy simply retorted, resuming his meal. It was surprising he was making it last that long, but he had been busy stopping a lot to let Zoro know he was angry with his life decisions, so maybe it shouldn't have come as such a surprise.

"What do you mean 'ask him yourself'? How the fuck am I supposed to do that? I don't even-"

"I'll give you his number."

"I don't want his fucking number! I'll stick to my promise, get that sparring session over with and never see him again."

That was certainly an unrealistic prospect. Zoro already knew he'd be seeing him again, of course he would, want it or not. Luffy's grin was a testament to it. And it had been his own goddamn fault that he had to get that sparring session over with to start with. How much of an idiot could he be?

"You can ask Nami if you want," Luffy pressed. He wasn't doing him the favor, that was for sure. Either he gave him the goddamn number for Zoro to act like an adult and ask himself, or he would have to ask someone else to do it, which left him with horrible options to choose. What was his life. Not _Nami._

He was too busy getting mad and simmering in frustrated anger for him to successfully prevent Luffy from stealing his phone from his unguarded pockets. Before he knew it, the bastard was jumping around the room dodging Zoro's attempts at recuperating his stolen property while writing down on it.

"There you go!" he chirped, shoving the phone back at Zoro's prying hands. Much to his dismay, he had a new contact in his list. "That's his number. You can ask him now."

"Fuck you," Zoro growled, glaring daggers at him while his fingers fumbled to delete the contact.

They stopped a second away from pressing a confirmation to its destruction, suddenly eyeing Luffy with overcome confusion as he stopped fuming altogether.

"What is it?" Luffy offered, smiling like nothing had happened. Like they hadn't been talking about something that could potentially lead them to prison, like Zoro hadn't just been suspecting Sanji and Luffy hadn't turned into a protective mother bear because of it. Why had he just given him Sanji's number? Hadn't he made it a point that Zoro was to leave him alone?

"Why did you even give it to me? I would've thought you'd forbid me from seeing that asshole at all with how fucking defensive you went over him."

He shouldn't be questioning it, he should be keeping the number if only to further investigate and satiate his curiosity, but he had assumed Luffy would have a problem with Zoro owning any of Sanji's personal information and he was now severely disconcerted. Disconcerted Zoro didn't usually work how he'd like to.

"It's fine. The fact that you initially refused it as if I was offering you poison proves you weren't planning on doing anything weird with it. Plus, you _swore_. You _never_ swear," Luffy elaborated, mimicking him with a mocking grin at the end.

Zoro sighed. What to do. _Keep the goddamn number and act like a fucking adult_ , his brain chastised him.

Luffy should watch the extent of his trust a bit more. He trusted too easily, and he trusted too much; if Zoro had told him he wasn't going to pursue Sanji, he believed it. He was lucky Zoro wasn't one to betray Luffy's trust. _Sanji_ was lucky.

"Whatever. I'll delete it when I'm done with this shit."

"Which _you_ suggested. But sure, do whatever you want," Luffy shrugged. Oh, he _was_ mocking him now. "Now, are we going to play at something before Nami comes back and starts yelling at us to keep it down or are you going to keep on sulking in a corner?"

Zoro's life was hard indeed.

* * *

He got home when it was already passed midnight. Nami had come in about the time Zoro had first decided to leave, which had ended up resulting in a heated up argument about God knows what, long enough for them to grab hold of their respective still-to-be-opened cans of beer and take a seat. Which had led to more cans and an established late-night conversation between the three of them. Nami had been updated on the issue at hand and had been fast to join Zoro's side in what their crew's involvement was concerned, much to Zoro's joy. Sometimes they _did_ agree. It just took stars to align for it to happen, but it wasn't totally unheard of.

Around 11.30, Luffy had gotten a call from Robin, who proclaimed herself the bearer of the news Zoro had already anticipated and added a remarkable +1 to Zoro's cause. She didn't know more than he did, which meant news were still fresh, but she wouldn't have told Zoro if she knew anything else; that would mean helping the cops, and as much as everyone loved Zoro and wished for him to have a successful career, that's just not something they were going to hand to him. Zoro was the one who'd pass information more often if it meant he could get their asses saved, but he was rarely at the receiving end of it, for obvious reasons. The least he knew, the least he'd have to hide and the more stable he'd manage to keep his post under Smoker's command.

No matter how much he would've appreciated a hint coming from the underground web, see if he managed to propel the investigation somehow. Damn, that would've been nice, but it was simply not happening.

Zoro kicked his clothes out with a frown, letting himself fall on his bed with a tired huff. He shouldn't have drunk that much. He shouldn't have come back so fucking _late_. He had to clock in at 8 tomorrow, that if Smoker didn't call him in earlier, which he most likely would. He was starting to confuse his ringtone for his morning alarm, that's how many times Smoker's calls had substituted his alarm clock. Fuck.

He willed himself to sleep, but he didn't manage to even close his eyes; they kept snapping open with every passing thought he entertained.

He had visited the warehouse where Mister 3 had been killed around noon that same day, right after all necessary documentation had been transferred to them and they had established a working pattern. Both Cobby and Bonney had tagged along, followed suit by Tashigi, who was second in command after Smoker and was there to keep everything documented, for the most part.

Just as Smoker had told them, the place was deserted. There were marks suggesting there had been large pieces of furniture, heavy machines and 'goods' scattered around, but they had wiped everything clean. Zoro didn't have a way to know who _exactly_ 'they' comprised; it could've been Mister 3's subordinates in an attempt to save the business (a successful attempt, that had to be noted), or Crocodile's men themselves. Whatever value Mister 3 had held for Crocodile, so did his now dispersed organization, which meant, without a doubt, that he'd put his own means to protect whatever shit they had been carrying on before doom had found them. Damn, he hated politics. He _despised_ corrupt politics. Nowadays, both were the same.

The forensic team they had ordered to come with them did quick job of every last trace they found, but Zoro knew they wouldn't be giving them anything that could somehow damage what was left of Mister 3's empire. They ultimately worked for the Government after all. They'd be given what they wanted to give them, even though Special Unit 13 _did_ have a solid good standing amongst the police and was well regarded enough as to not be kept in _absolute_ blindness. Asides from when it came to Government-protected people, they had access to pretty much everything the Administration had to offer and were trusted enough to be told everything they demanded to know. At the end of the day, they were the ones eradicating the Government's enemies, and that opened a lot of doors.

But Government-protected people were Government-protected people, and cases ended up reaching high levels of 'frustrating' when those bastards were involved.

"They knew him."

Zoro casted a glance at Bonney, who stood by his side with a pose that screamed anything but elegant, her eyes calculating as she inspected the corpse laying in front of them.

Tashigi had joined the forensic team to make sure everything worked as it should and Cobby was doing his own inspection around the building, which they knew better than to leave completely up to other people's hands. They had a job to do and they wouldn't be dealing with Government's employees shady shit. Whatever there was to find, they'd look for it themselves, the forensic team was mere support and not entirely reliable in this particular kind of case.

"You think that too?" he muttered, not really meaning the question. He knew they both agreed on this, but sharing arguments was always welcome.

"He was shot in the face. A clean shot, whoever did this knew his way around a fire weapon," she nodded, her tone slightly bored but not enough to hide the fact that she was actually interested in the case at hand. "But yes, the perpetrator knew Mister 3, I believe. That bastard was probably not expecting a bullet in his forehead."

"There's no signs of a fight anywhere around," Cobby commented, strolling towards them from one of the annex rooms. He had apparently overheard their conversation and he was on board with that opinion. "He either sneaked in and had Mister 3 welcome him or he came through the front doors and everyone let him inside without a second thought."

"So, we're talking about someone Mister 3 was secretly seeing and letting in with his guard down, or someone familiar with the organization," Zoro resumed, staring down at the dried blood covering Mister 3's face in deep thought.

"Someone _from_ the organization?" Bonney suggested.

"That's a riskier assumption, that would mean an infiltration or serious betrayal, but we can also work with that, I guess. Whatever the case, Mister 3 welcomed his own murderer home," Cobby muttered, shrugging a bit while taking down a few notes as he swept the room with his gaze.

"How did he get out, though?"

Both Bonney and Cobby turned to fix Zoro with a pensive stare, considering his question.

"I mean, sure, he was welcomed in, no suspicion whatsoever, and even if he had sneaked in without anyone noticing, Mister 3 _did_ let him in; that's quite clear. But what about getting out? If he had openly come in to visit him, he would've been expected to leave afterwards, right? How hard is it to hide you've just killed a whole organization's boss while walking your way out of the place surrounded by all those bastards without anyone noticing and starting a fight?"

Bonney raised an eyebrow. "Your point?"

Zoro shrugged. "He probably sneaked in. And then out. Forget about coming through the front doors. He wasn't officially known by the organization; he had some kind of exclusively personal relationship with Mister 3, enough of a trusty bond as for the man to welcome him in even after finding out he had just sneaked into his quarters."

Cobby's eyes widened a fraction. "A lover?"

"Not necessarily. Anyone he trusted could fit in, anyone work-related, or a friend, maybe. But, yes, I guess a lover would also be an option, I don't know."

"I think we all agreed this wasn't a personal crime," Bonney opposed, already rolling her eyes at the image of a betrayed lover going cray cray on the man whose death they were investigating. She had never done 'romantic' or 'dramatic'.

"It doesn't need to be a personal crime. Anyone with a good physique and the ability to get our man on his knees for them could use that in their favour, draw him in, act as his lover and wait for the best opportunity to kill him," Zoro stated matter-of-factly, eyeing Bonney with an unimpressed expression.

"That's basic. Too simple," she refused.

"I've seen plenty of those in my career, and so have you; it wouldn't be the first time it happens nor the last one," Zoro retorted yet again, not one to dismiss possible leads without giving them some thought first. "But you're right, I don't believe that's the case either. I was thinking of a secret associate or something of the kind."

"Why not?" Cobby asked from his crouched position beside Mister 3 as he examined him from up-close.

Zoro shrugged again.

"Instinct?"

"Keep your instincts to yourself, what we need is _evidence_ ," a firm voice snapped from behind his back.

Zoro turned around to see Tashigi walking towards them with a frown. He had to do a double-take before he forced himself to blink and look elsewhere. He saw Tashigi even in his soup, he worked with her on a daily basis for insufferably long hours and he had done so for years, but he still hadn't gotten over her resemblance with Kuina, and it still hit him sometimes. If he happened to catch a fast glimpse of her in just the right lightning, he'd see Kuina right where he knew she couldn't be standing, and it made his brain falter every single time.

When he had first seen her once he'd accepted his job, he had immediately considered quitting after almost having a stroke. It was hard to look at her without being reminded of the one person he had first cared for and lost, thus making his relationship with Tashigi rocky enough for Smoker to decide to make them work together in pretty much everything they did in an attempt to balance them. He had more or less successfully managed. They weren't best buddies and Zoro was still working on not being unnecessarily harsh to her, but they were a pretty decent team now. If only she had a different face, one that didn't look like a goddamn picture of Kuina…

"Fuck off; we're conjecturing," he growled back at her. Speaking of trying not to be unnecessarily harsh to her…

"'Conjecturing', big word you used there, did you read a dictionary entry before going to sleep?" Bonney mocked by his side. Zoro rolled his eyes.

"I want every single possibility on the table," Tashigi ordered, coming to stand in between them and levering them with a glare as she tipped her glasses a tad. " _Including_ the dejected lover one. Or the Machiavellian lover one, I don't care; whatever you think of, use it as a lead. God knows we need one to work with. Nothing's discarded until we have _actual_ proof discarding it, are we all clear?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Cobby obediently replied while expertly pocking at the body's bullet wound with gloved hands for reasons Zoro didn't want to know. He didn't usually touch the corpses, and he wouldn't know where to start; he'd probably fuck up a piece of evidence with his luck and lack of tact.

"Bonney?" Tashigi pressed, making sure their most sceptic member took the hint.

"Sure, honey," the pinkhead chewed out, blowing some bubble gum in the process, all sarcasm. "Dejected lover is in the picture. Always loved myself some drama."

"Great, keep it up. We have men working in the streets looking for anything they can find. As soon as someone speaks a word, we'll open an investigation there. For now, focus on what we have here. This place may seem empty but there's a lot of thinking to do."

And thinking he did, Zoro begrudgingly thought as he stared at the ceiling with a frown. He couldn't sleep for saving his life. He didn't usually have trouble keeping his job at bay when he put his mind into keeping it away (although he had been repeatedly told that he brought his job with him everywhere he went), but he hadn't been active for weeks and this case was big; he could already foresee it.

He couldn't shake the feeling that this was the beginning of a hunt. On both sides. Whoever was after Crocodile's protected criminals was after Crocodile himself and wouldn't stop at this. Going after Mister 3 and actually taking him down was heavy-weighed enough; nobody had attempted it before, not with how well protected he was, not while knowing they'd become Special Unit 13's first and most important target. Yet here they were. Someone had had the balls to do it. And Zoro's instincts, no matter how underappreciated by Tashigi, told him they wouldn't leave it at this. It didn't necessarily mean they'd act swiftly; it would probably take a long time for his unit to find another crime they could link to Mister 3 authorship wise, but he had the feeling that the time would come.

Zoro frowned harder. It wouldn't be the first time a gang or an individual managed several successive maiming attacks against goods or people valuable to the Government with absolute success. The Strawhats were a clear example of that, they had been going at it for years without being caught and with identities still unknown to anyone but him, despite going through several close calls. That's why Luffy and his people could still lead a normal life and show their faces in public. All the police had was a made-up name for the gang and a list of common practices listed down, useful to predict certain attacks when it was obvious they'd go for them, but not much more. No names, no faces, no specific number of members, not a fixed operation base. There were several other gangs in that same situation; professionals who knew what they were doing and dodged Special Unit 13's attempts to get them.

But Mister 3 was _directly_ protected by Crocodile, and that was a big shot, even for people like Luffy, who'd usually go for anything they thought would help bring down the Government; and that gave the case a different dimension. If the victim had been someone equally as important in the eyes of the Government but hadn't been part of Crocodile's own power web, the issue wouldn't have been as pressing, but with Crocodile being the Mayor in that city, they had him directly meddling in and taking the reins of the case at hand, which added to its weight.

Actually, Zoro had the feeling this was more an attack towards Crocodile that it was towards the general Government of that country, or Doflamingo, its president. Doflamingo probably didn't even know who Mister 3 was. He probably wasn't all that important in the Government's general structure, if at all. If Zoro's intuition was right, Mister 3 was exclusively relevant to Crocodile. Zoro wouldn't be surprised if his drug business was part of the funding Crocodile's mayoralty rested on, which downgraded the problem to a local one, but it was still huge given how badly Crocodile had taken it. That man would spur his unit on for a blood hunt and no other higher-ups would be there to stop him, rendering Smoker's team prey of his direct wishes.

He was already dreading this. Higher scale crimes were generalized enough for them not to have any self-conceited 'important' individual sticking their nose into their business, but something this reduced turned Zoro's unit into Crocodile's personal vendetta squad, and that was about the last thing he had signed up for when he had enrolled Special Unit 13.

Fuck. He _hated_ politics.

* * *

It was around three in the morning, and he had yet to manage a few minutes of sleep. His mood was a train wreck and his boredom at the lack of anything productive to do if not sleeping was skyrocketing by the moment.

Those are the moments when one gets weird ideas and executes them; the exact kind of moments when one shouldn't be executing those ideas, since they'll surely be regretted in the morning.

Zoro stared at his phone with bloodshot eyes and was met with his most recent contact. It read 'Sanji' and it was followed by a smiley face. Typical Luffy. First thing he did was delete the contact name and rewrite it as something more adequate. He considered 'Hot Asshole Blonde' (he deleted it as soon as he found himself writing it, _what the ever loving fuck_ ), 'Shitty Prick', and his personal favourite because of how much he knew it annoyed the blonde: 'Curly Brow'. If the last one hadn't sounded like a rather fond pet-name once written down (fuck, he _swore_ it sounded way more pejorative when said out loud), he would've settled for that one, but it suddenly occurred to him that Luffy had mentioned Sanji was a cook. He typed on his phone with scrunched vengeful eyebrows and contemplated his piece of art when he was done: 'Shit Cook'. Not the most original of contact names, he acknowledged he could've done better, but he was tired and sleepy, and he didn't give a fuck anymore, so 'Shit Cook' it stayed.

Before he could healthily rethink his actions, his fingers were tapping away whatever bullshit his brain was coming up with in its near hibernating state.

 **To: Shit Cook**

 _Yo._

 _When th fuck were y'intending to meet again? Never stablishd an hour, wht the fuck of a shiittty planning is that for a sparrin session? Im a busy man, I need to plan ahed, mys chedule is packed._

 _Waiting for an answer._ _Hurry th fuck up._

He pressed 'send' before he could regret it. If he had reread the message with his brain cells in a semi-awake state he would've most definitely _not_ sent it. But sent it was. He'd have time for regret in the morning. He didn't even know what he had written anymore.

Funny enough, once the messaging-Sanji-in-order-to-agree-on-a-fucking-sparring-hour was done and over with, he found himself falling asleep quite fast.

Fucking _finally_.

 **TBC**


End file.
